Oxy, I tell you what, if you are on your own, AKA sans wife, offspring, etc, then you can make anything of yourself you want. (But trust me, figuring out what you want is hard!)
But screw what others think of you. Let them burn their eyes and lips, and they'll be all that much more surprised when you actually reach them later on.
Get out of your chair and follow where your passions move you. Follow your spirit, and keep in mind anyof those thoughts that drag you back are mostly illusions and what others have told you based on their own fears.
You may have to be as lucid and balsy as Casteneda pretending to be a short order cook, at a grill he just stepped into...
But you've got an amazing grasp of multi-layer interactions and relationships. I've not read everything you've posted here, but I dare say you have a serious nack for all the ins and outs of any Politico-Cultural landscape.
I think science fiction may be the way to go. A tip: if you get hung up on something that you think has to make sense, drop that non-sense like a hot rock!
Conquering fear is never easy, and I imagine a semi-regular occurence for everyone.
And on of my favorite quotes:
"The meaning of life...well I've always thought to hell with the sense of it, and just keep yourself occupied in the meantime!"
Slarti Bartfast, Department of Fiords and Coastlines
I often wonder if the banning of halucingenic plants in the western world has made us a sorrier race of humans. We often seek a deep fulfilment from the tasks we perform, yet that occurs so little in our daily lives.
Perhaps some folks find that in seeking satisfaction, certainty, or to help explain away the pain, they find themselves listening to more radical views. The level of which may be proportional to the amount of dissatifaction they feel with their lives.
I am fairly certain that the deep spiritual experience and connection we have with our roots and our higherselves has been cut off by the forces that wish to manipulate us. The spiritual landscape that we used to experience firsthand from contact with certain plants (even if only once or twice in a lifetime) gave each and everyone of us a personal link to our spirt, and those spirits around us. The loss of that satisfaction we once had through that connection is now maybe attempted to be recaptured by persons turning to forces outside of themselves, seeing that the internal one has been denied.
Now most folks are hardly aware of themselves functioning on this level. We mostly are barely cognisant of such things in the feelings we get when a socially sanctioned holiday comes around to briefly alleviate our volunteered slavery.
So, since we cannot connect to a deep spiritual experience in a natural way, we find ourselves attempting to find this experience in an unnatural way, and consequently the perversions run rampant, likely because our society is completely AFU.
, but hooman body senses are not perfect in Kali Yuga. Even subtle body- mind. 
