Humour

No No Please - Let Me start this off...

Could not resist

Thank you for sharing mp3
We sure are going to miss Planet Earth's wonders when we take off .
I 'll need to listen to this one several times to tell what I like best in it .. form .. or content .. not quite sure yet

Laugh Always
mudra

Welcome to the limit ..

[quote="mudra"]

mp3 wrote:couldn't not resist either.


Thank you for sharing mp3
We sure are going to miss Planet Earth's wonders when we take off .
I 'll need to listen to this one several times to tell what I like best in it .. form .. or content .. not quite sure yet

Laugh Always
mudra

Well if you liked that one, you're going to LOVE the remix with a new vocal track overdubbed. It's priceless.

WHO ARE YOU?
Keiji, a long-time Zen student, approached his master and said: “I don’t see how there can be any enlightenment that sets you free once and for all. I think we just get ever greater glimpses of Buddha-nature, the vastness that is our true Reality. It’s an ever-expanding process.” The master, looking penetratingly at Keiji, replied. “That may be what you think. But what is your experience, your experience right now?” Keiji looked momentarily confused. “My experience right now, Master?” “Yes. Do you know yourself as Keiji, having ever-expanding experiences of Buddha-nature? Or do you know yourself as Buddha-nature, having the experience of Keiji?”

EMPTINESS
When Tesshu, the famous medieval samurai swordsman, was young and headstrong, he visited one Zen master after another. Once he went to visit Master Dokuon and triumphantly announced to him the classic Buddhist teaching that all that exists is empty, there is really no you or me, and so on. The master listened to all this in silence. Suddenly he snatched up his pipe and struck Tesshu’s head with it. The infuriated young swordsman would have killed the master there and then, but Dokuon said calmly, “Emptiness is sure quick to show anger, is it not?” Tesshu left the room, realizing he still had much to learn about Zen.

What goes 99 click 99 click.........
A centipede with a wooden leg

Why does a cow wear bells?
because its horns dont work.

Whats white and lives in a tree
A fridge

Q How many PA2 admin and mod staff does it take to change a light bulb
A 5. One to change the light bulb and four to say how good they were at doing it and how enlightened they all are now.

The light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup.

As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up.

He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a holding cell.

After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.

He said, ''I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk, so naturally....I assumed you had stolen the car.''

Priceless.

Wasaaaabi! lol

This killed me the first time I saw it....

I hope this isn't too risque(adult language!)....

It was made by a very creative Star Trek Voyager
fan who saw something more happening between
Captain Janeway and Seven of Nine...

You won`t believe how strong arguments one year old baby has, explaining why it didn`t eat it`s food.
OMG!

http://www.on.net.mk/default-MK.asp?ItemID=CA970049E5E16D4D8F3C38892807F882

Laugh always
mudra

:;lol:

Question - Osho, Why are you called the Master of Masters?

Osho - Reverend Banana, Michael Potato Singh, Michael Tomato; dear gentlemen or ladies as the case may be... Because nobody has yet been able to decide whether these fellows are gentlemen or ladies.

It is a difficult question. I had to look in the Akashic records, and not in the past Akashic records -- because it is not recorded there -- but in the future Akashic records. This is a future story. Listen carefully.

It happened in Moksha, the ultimate resting place of the awakened ones. A journalist for the local newspaper, THE NIRVANA TIMELESS, was desperately seeking material to fill up the center page of the next edition which was due to appear in twenty-five hundred years. There was not much news around in Moksha, and soon he realized that he would have to make something up himself if the center page was not to be left empty again, as it had been for countless ages.

Finally, he hit on the idea of choosing which of the many Buddhas, Arhatas, Bodhisattvas, Christs, Kutubs and other enlightened beings abounding in the lotus paradise was the Master of Masters -- in short, a spiritual Mr. Universe competition.

He summoned all the enlightened ones together and asked them to encapsulate in a short phrase the essence of their teaching, which would entitle them to the title of Master of Masters. There was, as usual, a deep silence which lasted a few hundred years. Finally a Zen Master stood forward and hit the journalist hard on the head. This was considered to be well deserved, but not very original.

Another hundred years passed and then a Sufi stood up and began to whirl. Unfortunately he was out of training, and after a couple of months he fell flat on his face, causing some merriment among the Hassidic Masters, who had been surreptitiously pouring oil on the floor to bring the uppity Arab down.

After some goading by Manjushree and Subhuti, Buddha slowly stood up and addressed the gathering in the following way: "There is no teaching and no one to be taught. There is no Master and nothing to master. Nothing can be said; there is no one to hear it." Then he held up a flower and Mahakashyap giggled as usual. Many applauded the Buddha, but to the journalist it did not appear like the kind of news which would help him to sell his paper.

One after another the enlightened ones came forward to make their bids for the title. Moses gave a few new commandments. Bodhidharma stared at a wall for ninety years. Jesus made a mountain out of a molehill, and delivered a sermon from it. Diogenes displayed his suntan. Shiva and Parvati ran through one hundred twelve new positions they had invented. Gurdjieff drank twenty bottles of brandy, then walked on his hands on a tightrope over the plenum void, smiling with the left side of his face and grimacing with the right.

Lao Tzu had a good belly laugh at all these antics. Mansoor would not stop shouting, "Ana'l Haq! Ana'l Haq!" and finally had to be put in a straitjacket and given a couple of valium. Vatsyayana gave himself a blow job to demonstrate existentially that sex and samadhi were manifestations of the same energy -- and so on.

It proved impossible to choose which of the awakened ones was the Master of Masters, since even the journalist had attained to choiceless awareness long ago. But the day seemed saved when Teertha, a relative newcomer from England, stood up and declared with typical British diplomacy, "The greatest Master is the one who has yet to come." Suddenly an Indian mahatma jumped to his feet and cried triumphantly, "Then that must be me -- for I have been celibate for eighty-four million lives."

By unanimous agreement the awakened ones decided that the mahatma's samadhi was not yet "seedless", and he was dispelled back to samsara to spill his seed once and for all. Just as the mahatma disappeared from sight, Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh came out of his room, where he had been sitting all this time, and made his way towards a small marble podium in the corner of the hall. A deathly hush gripped the audience, and even Mansoor shut up. If a look of dread could be said to cloud those tranquil eyes, this is what happened to the gathering.

As Bhagwan sat down and leaned towards the microphone, a cry arose from Mahavira, "Wait! Wait! We proclaim you Master of Masters! Now please go back to your room." Bhagwan smiled innocently and left the hall. There was a sigh of relief.

The journalist turned to Mahavira in consternation: "I don't understand. Why did he get the title? What did he do?" "Nothing," said Mahavira, "but last time he spoke here it took us seven hundred years to get him to stop, and send him to Poona!"

Source - Osho Book "Tao : The Golden Gate, Vol 2"

The Old Merchant moved about His small Hut - Moving to and fro preparing for the Market and getting various things together for the trip by Mule five miles to the east. He had inovative plans to expand His business and He was going to buy a great deal of wares. That said - He was in a real hurry to get going as He wanted to get there early to get set up in a choice position.

He went outside to prepare the Mule, and found the Animal gone. This infuriated the Old Merchant, and He kicked a large rock hurting His foot. This only made matters worse now as He had to walk to the Market where It would take him an even longer time to get there.

He began walking - Leaving all of the Items He'd wished to carry to the Market and set out. After about and hour or so He was two miles from the Market (He was an Older Man and could not walk like He had in His Youth) - When the Old Merchant came around a bend in the Road and there - Sitting upon a large Rock in much the same way an Eagle would sit on a Perch - Sat and Angel with both Arms draped down in Front of It - Appearing to look at the Man as If the Angel had been waiting for Him.

The Man ran up - Prostrate on the ground and said ;

"Oh Angel of the Lord God - The Prime Creator of All things - How does One become such as You, and sit in the Presence of the All That Is ?"

The Angel looked down upon the Man and frowned in deep thought - Then Smiled - Peering down upon the Old Man with a Piercing Gaze saying ;

"In order to move forward in Experience and Understanding of the All That Is - The Alpha and the Omega - One must drop Their Baggage (Emotional Weight(s)) in order to elevate Their Condition."

Instantly - The Angel burst up off the Rock into full Flight through the Air away from the Old Merchant into the Sky saying with a Booming Voice ;

"Its plain to see that You've now learnt this..."