Humour

Copied off Facebook – Letter To Dr. Laura

On her radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, which was posted on the Internet. It’s funny, as well as informative:

“Dear Dr. Laura: Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God’s Law.I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination …. End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God’s Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can’t I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of Menstrual uncleanliness – Lev15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord – Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don’t agree. Can you settle this? Are there ‘degrees’ of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn’t we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I’m confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God’s word is eternal and unchanging.”

Your adoring fan, James M Kauffman, Ed.D. Professor Emeritus, Dept. Of Curriculum, Instruction, and Special Education University of Virginia

cute

devakas wrote:
cute

Oooooh, that's so cute....and SO sad!!

Happy Easter!

"And lo! on the third day the stone did move. And with much awe, the guards did witness, with a divine light did three figures emerge from the tomb. And a great voice did say: "Did you preach to those who were asleep." And the figure of Jesus did say "Yes Father." And with much awe, the guards did witness, with a divine light did three figures stretch themselves unto the heavens.

OK...why is it so hard for people to believe that Jesus was teleported to the mothership?

No different than Picard and Dr. Crusher beaming down to resue Riker from another mission gone wrong...

Huh?...what do you mean, "just a TV show"? Why is your face so red? umm....are you feeling ok?

1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL.
2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING.
3. The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL.
4. The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL.
5. The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS.
And....
6. The sport of choice for corporate executives and officers is GOLF.
THE AMAZING CONCLUSION:
The higher you go in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.
There must be a ton of people in Washington playing marbles!

(from: http://jobsanger.blogspot.com/2011/05/balls.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+blogspot%2Flhav+%28jobsanger%29)

Love Always
mudra

True Story:

Wife is obsessed with this giant metal chicken:


A friend of a friend found one in Texas and is arriving via SneakerNet. Wife has decided that Steely Dan ( yes...that is his name now...) is a Giant Travelling Metal Chicken, but has to go incognito for his pictures, thusly needs a disguise.

She is at Dollar Tree to collect Bunny Glasses.


Dollar Tree is out of Bunny Glasses, so she has to settle for Clown Glasses (With Nose).

She starts to also reach for the Accessory Giant Bow Tie that would normally be worn with Clown Glasses (With Nose), and stops,
and with all seriousness says....

"Well, I don't want him to look ridiculous..."



Only In America

Surrealism just follows me around....

(of course....I did -marry- this woman....)

Threecaster wrote:True Story:

Wife is obsessed with this giant metal chicken:

[center]
(

Surrealism just follows me around....

(of course....I did -marry- this woman....)

I bet she keeps you laughing too.

Oh yes!

On the way home this evening...we were discussing planting the watermelon and squash far enough apart...

and we decided if they cross polinated we would end up with Squatermelons!

"Damn Squatermelons ...sum bitches just show up and you can never get rid of em!"

^ LOL...

Squatermelons...

<--- That's me, Right There...

Threecaster wrote: <--- That's me, Right There...

collective... unity ...

Oh my yes...little do we know of the beast that run the show, when the ccollective bias is behind them, The crows all see all the human's revelry and laugh at us as we ride them.



My hardwwiring tilts me away from large globs of people, too much static and interference....

Here's about where I am...say, at the top of the hill...

Inner Peace: This is so true

If you can start the day without caffeine,

If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,

If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,

If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,

If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,

If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,

If you can conquer tension without medical help,

If you can relax without alcohol,

If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,

...Then You Are Probably



The Family Dog!

In my e-mail this morning.

The folks who are getting the free stuff, don't like the folks who are paying for the free stuff, because the folks who are paying for the free stuff can no longer afford to pay for both the free stuff and their own stuff.

The folks who are paying for the free stuff want the free stuff to stop, and the folks who are getting the free stuff want even more free stuff on top of the free stuff they are already getting!

Now... The people who are forcing the people to pay for the free stuff have told the people who are RECEIVING the free stuff, that the people who are PAYING for the free stuff, are being mean, prejudiced, and racist.

So... The people who are GETTING the free stuff have been convinced they need to hate the people who are paying for the free stuff by the people who are forcing some people to pay for their free stuff, and giving them the free stuff in the first place.

We have let the free stuff giving go on for so long that there are now more people getting free stuff than there are people paying for the free stuff.

Now understand this. All great democracies have committed financial suicide somewhere between 200 and 250 years after being founded. The reason?The voters figured out they could vote themselves money from the treasury by electing people who promised to give them money from the treasury in exchange for electing them.

The United States officially became a Republic in 1776, 235 years ago. The number of people now getting free stuff outnumbers the people paying for the free stuff. We have one chance to change that. In 2012. Failure to change that spells the end of the United States as we know it.

This was also in my email from my daughter... this is how she asks for something.

Hello, most wonderful being on the face of the planet.

I was just dropping this by, you know, for you to look at. Nothing very important, but if your Eminance would consider possibly doing something different with this link, I would be most appreciative.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B007V9ECZC/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=funyoutube_trailers-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B007V9ECZC

A farmer stopped by the local garage to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.
On the way home he stopped at B & Q and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the market and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the market he now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchases home.

While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, 'Can you tell me how to get to Church Lane ?'

The farmer said, 'Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to the lane I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot.'

The old lady suggested, 'Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?'

'Why thank you very much,' he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.

On the way he says 'Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time.'

The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, 'I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me.... How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?'

The farmer said, 'Jesus lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?'

The old lady replied, 'Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens!