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51 posters
Humour
We Are You- Posts : 1550
Join date : 2011-09-19
Location : Here
JesterTerrestrial- Posts : 1766
Join date : 2010-04-11
Location : INNOVATION STATIONS !SCHOOL
DID YOU MISS MY POST ADDRESSED TO YOU HERE ON THE MISTS OF AVALON DISCUSSION FORUM!!!
JesterTerrestrial- Posts : 1766
Join date : 2010-04-11
Location : INNOVATION STATIONS !SCHOOL
magamud- Posts : 1280
Join date : 2012-06-17
Its a Microchip...
Carol- Admin
- Posts : 32882
Join date : 2010-04-07
Location : Hawaii
Subject: Why I Never Made Captain
Many years ago on a long transatlantic flight, an elderly lady asked if she could visit the cockpit.
When she got up there, she found four crewmen. She asked the first what he did, and he explained that he was the navigator and what his responsibilities were.
She turned to next one and asked what he did. He explained that he was the engineer and his job was to monitor and troubleshoot any system problems to keep the flight operating smoothly.
She turned to the next one and asked what he did. He explained that as the captain he was responsible for everything on the airplane and the functioning of the crew. She turned to the first officer and asked
"Well young man, what is your job?"
He replied "Ma'am, I am the captain's sexual advisor."
Somewhat shocked, she said "I beg your pardon, but what do you mean by that?"
"Very simple ma'am. The captain has told me that when he wants my ******g advice, he'll ask me."
Many years ago on a long transatlantic flight, an elderly lady asked if she could visit the cockpit.
When she got up there, she found four crewmen. She asked the first what he did, and he explained that he was the navigator and what his responsibilities were.
She turned to next one and asked what he did. He explained that he was the engineer and his job was to monitor and troubleshoot any system problems to keep the flight operating smoothly.
She turned to the next one and asked what he did. He explained that as the captain he was responsible for everything on the airplane and the functioning of the crew. She turned to the first officer and asked
"Well young man, what is your job?"
He replied "Ma'am, I am the captain's sexual advisor."
Somewhat shocked, she said "I beg your pardon, but what do you mean by that?"
"Very simple ma'am. The captain has told me that when he wants my ******g advice, he'll ask me."
_________________
What is life?
It is the flash of a firefly in the night, the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime. It is the little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset.
With deepest respect ~ Aloha & Mahalo, Carol
We Are You- Posts : 1550
Join date : 2011-09-19
Location : Here
Carol wrote:Subject: Why I Never Made Captain
Many years ago on a long transatlantic flight, an elderly lady asked if she could visit the cockpit.
When she got up there, she found four crewmen. She asked the first what he did, and he explained that he was the navigator and what his responsibilities were.
She turned to next one and asked what he did. He explained that he was the engineer and his job was to monitor and troubleshoot any system problems to keep the flight operating smoothly.
She turned to the next one and asked what he did. He explained that as the captain he was responsible for everything on the airplane and the functioning of the crew. She turned to the first officer and asked
"Well young man, what is your job?"
He replied "Ma'am, I am the captain's sexual advisor."
Somewhat shocked, she said "I beg your pardon, but what do you mean by that?"
"Very simple ma'am. The captain has told me that when he wants my ******g advice, he'll ask me."
Funny enough, and a very old joke, because nowadays there is no enginner on board any more, so nobody´s job is "to monitor and troubleshoot any system problems to keep the flight operating smoothly", I AM wondering why. Can we make a poll for finding out who bennefits from this decision? By the way, why also the parachuts were removed from commercial flights? And last, but not least, why is a guy who does not know how the engine works taking decision about our lifes on board, even without an on board enginner whenever he wants a *****g advice? Should an enginner first graduate as sexual advisor in order to get a job in the cockpit (maybe that´s what an engineer deserves after choosing this name for the "Control Room")?
eMonkey- Posts : 465
Join date : 2010-04-14
Location : There's no place like home.
We Are You wrote:
Funny enough, and a very old joke, because nowadays there is no enginner on board any more, so nobody´s job is "to monitor and troubleshoot any system problems to keep the flight operating smoothly"
Lighten up.. gee.. It's the wrong forum to engage mouth before brain and be hyper-critical.
Anyways, your in now my territory - since I'm an avionics engineer myself of the old school.. yes there are engineers still fliying..
you'll find them for example on all operational Beoing 747-200's. oh yeah - here's another - Airbus A300 B4.
Wanna go head to head on aero engineering. electronics, radar, communications, instrumentation, engines, power generation, hydraulics and aerodynamics?
We Are You- Posts : 1550
Join date : 2011-09-19
Location : Here
We Are You wrote:Carol wrote:Subject: Why I Never Made Captain
Many years ago on a long transatlantic flight, an elderly lady asked if she could visit the cockpit.
When she got up there, she found four crewmen. She asked the first what he did, and he explained that he was the navigator and what his responsibilities were.
She turned to next one and asked what he did. He explained that he was the engineer and his job was to monitor and troubleshoot any system problems to keep the flight operating smoothly.
She turned to the next one and asked what he did. He explained that as the captain he was responsible for everything on the airplane and the functioning of the crew. She turned to the first officer and asked
"Well young man, what is your job?"
He replied "Ma'am, I am the captain's sexual advisor."
Somewhat shocked, she said "I beg your pardon, but what do you mean by that?"
"Very simple ma'am. The captain has told me that when he wants my ******g advice, he'll ask me."
Funny enough, and a very old joke, because nowadays there is no enginner on board any more, so nobody´s job is "to monitor and troubleshoot any system problems to keep the flight operating smoothly", I AM wondering why. Can we make a poll for finding out who benefits from this decision? By the way, why also the parachuts were removed from commercial flights? And last, but not least, why is a guy who does not know how the engine works taking decision about our lifes on board, even without an on board enginner whenever he wants a *****g advice? Should an enginner first graduate as sexual advisor in order to get a job in the cockpit (maybe that´s what an engineer deserves after choosing this name for the "Control Room")?
Last edited by We Are You on Mon Feb 04, 2013 11:49 am; edited 1 time in total
We Are You- Posts : 1550
Join date : 2011-09-19
Location : Here
eMonkey wrote:We Are You wrote:
Funny enough, and a very old joke, because nowadays there is no enginner on board any more, so nobody´s job is "to monitor and troubleshoot any system problems to keep the flight operating smoothly"
Lighten up.. gee.. It's the wrong forum to engage mouth before brain and be hyper-critical.
Anyways, your in now my territory - since I'm an avionics engineer myself of the old school.. yes there are engineers still fliying..
you'll find them for example on all operational Beoing 747-200's. oh yeah - here's another - Airbus A300 B4.
Wanna go head to head on aero engineering. electronics, radar, communications, instrumentation, engines, power generation, hydraulics and aerodynamics?
Thanks for the lesson: anyway, I was talking about all commercial airplanes, because whenever we buy a ticket, it is not informed about on board engineer presence. A couple of years ago I said that to a Head Maintenance Engineer and he agreed with me, so, the reality may have changed since thaem because I was told the engineer was not on board, and anyway, he is not the one taking decisions. Let´s now put our both feet on the ground, at least including cardrivers: Can anyone imagine a situation which somebody is driving the car and somebody else is taking decisions? Back to basics: Can anyone really control a equipment without lnowing how it works, or just guessing around? How about the parachuts?
How about not informing the pilot )"commander") about the flight data: have you heard of that, not only on the spacshuttle explosion, but also about commercial flights, is it rational avionicsor just blindly following mis-"order" or misleadings? anyway, in public, I advised the Head Maintenance Engineer to give proper engineering trainning to the pilots("commanders"), also on board trainning due to the schedule. Also the "local" data about othaer airplanes´ positioning without any integration is almost the same as a blind flight, specially during auto-pilot manouvers. Dearest Carol, please, no more jokes in this forum was (again) suggested as the solution, so, it is sunday, it is almost carnival, 2012 has just ended, so, do you still want more?
Last edited by We Are You on Sun Feb 03, 2013 12:25 pm; edited 1 time in total
eMonkey- Posts : 465
Join date : 2010-04-14
Location : There's no place like home.
ZZZZzzz...
eMonkey- Posts : 465
Join date : 2010-04-14
Location : There's no place like home.
THIS BEATS THE HELL OUT OF A FISH BROTH DIET (?), FLASH MOBS AND HIGHWAY/RAILWAY BARRICADES. GOTTA LOVE THEM BRITS!
http://www.buggerthebankers.com/
http://www.buggerthebankers.com/
eMonkey- Posts : 465
Join date : 2010-04-14
Location : There's no place like home.
Unbelievable!!!!!
I bet this will make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside!
Can you imagine working for a company or organisation that has just over 635 employees, but has the following employee statistics..
* 29 have been accused of spouse abuse
* 7 have been arrested for fraud
* 9 have been accused of writing bad cheques
* 17 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses
* 3 have done time for assault
* 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
* 14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
* 8 have been arrested for shoplifting
*21 are currently defendants in lawsuits
*84 have been arrested for drink driving in the last year
AND
collectively, in 2012 alone, they have cost the British tax payer over £92,993,748 in expenses!!!
Which organisation is this?
It's the House of Commons, with 635 members.
The same group that cranks out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us in line.
And just to top all that they probably have the best 'corporate' pension scheme in the country!!
I bet this will make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside!
Can you imagine working for a company or organisation that has just over 635 employees, but has the following employee statistics..
* 29 have been accused of spouse abuse
* 7 have been arrested for fraud
* 9 have been accused of writing bad cheques
* 17 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses
* 3 have done time for assault
* 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
* 14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
* 8 have been arrested for shoplifting
*21 are currently defendants in lawsuits
*84 have been arrested for drink driving in the last year
AND
collectively, in 2012 alone, they have cost the British tax payer over £92,993,748 in expenses!!!
Which organisation is this?
It's the House of Commons, with 635 members.
The same group that cranks out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us in line.
And just to top all that they probably have the best 'corporate' pension scheme in the country!!
eMonkey- Posts : 465
Join date : 2010-04-14
Location : There's no place like home.
TRUE STORY:
A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an academic function where Nancy Pelosi happened to appear. Ms Pelosi took the opportunity to schmooze the good doctor a bit and asked him a question with which he was most at ease.
'Would you mind telling me, Doctor,' she asked, 'how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?'
'Nothing is easier,' he replied. 'You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If the person hesitates, that puts you on the track...'
'What sort of question?' asked Pelosi.
Well, you might ask, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?''
Pelosi thought a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, 'You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history.'
Sadly... they walk among us!
-------------------------------------
A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an academic function where Nancy Pelosi happened to appear. Ms Pelosi took the opportunity to schmooze the good doctor a bit and asked him a question with which he was most at ease.
'Would you mind telling me, Doctor,' she asked, 'how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?'
'Nothing is easier,' he replied. 'You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If the person hesitates, that puts you on the track...'
'What sort of question?' asked Pelosi.
Well, you might ask, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?''
Pelosi thought a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, 'You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history.'
Sadly... they walk among us!
-------------------------------------
Brook- Posts : 3469
Join date : 2010-08-21
Age : 71
eMonkey wrote:TRUE STORY:
A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an academic function where Nancy Pelosi happened to appear. Ms Pelosi took the opportunity to schmooze the good doctor a bit and asked him a question with which he was most at ease.
'Would you mind telling me, Doctor,' she asked, 'how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?'
'Nothing is easier,' he replied. 'You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If the person hesitates, that puts you on the track...'
'What sort of question?' asked Pelosi.
Well, you might ask, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?''
Pelosi thought a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, 'You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history.'
Sadly... they walk among us!
-------------------------------------
magamud- Posts : 1280
Join date : 2012-06-17
Brook- Posts : 3469
Join date : 2010-08-21
Age : 71
We Are You- Posts : 1550
Join date : 2011-09-19
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We Are You- Posts : 1550
Join date : 2011-09-19
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We Are You- Posts : 1550
Join date : 2011-09-19
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JesterTerrestrial- Posts : 1766
Join date : 2010-04-11
Location : INNOVATION STATIONS !SCHOOL
SO WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT DO YOU WANT!!! I GOT PRIVATE MESSAGES FROM OTHERS REGARDING YOUR BLIND LINK SPAM!!!
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THIS!!!
Jesus said, "Woe to the pharisees, for they are like a dog sleeping in the manger of oxen, for neither does he eat nor does he let the oxen eat."