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magamud
Aquaries1111
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shiloh
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Micjer
We Are You
Sanicle
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Troy Are Us
Threecaster
Reunite
orthodoxymoron
Beren
reality=check
earthian
immortalisdolor
HigherLove
malletzky
icecold
enemyofNWO
giovonni
burgundia
Brook
Vidya Moksha
starninja
newel
GODDESS OF PURPLE LIGHT
JesterTerrestrial
eMonkey
spiritwarrior
biophiliac
TRANCOSO
truth and integrity
ClearWater
Oliver
CetaceousOne
Nebula
Carol
devakas
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51 posters
Humour
HigherLove- Posts : 2357
Join date : 2011-01-27
Age : 58
Carol- Admin
- Posts : 31748
Join date : 2010-04-07
Location : Hawaii
Last edited by Carol on Fri Sep 30, 2011 11:30 am; edited 1 time in total
_________________
What is life?
It is the flash of a firefly in the night, the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime. It is the little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset.
With deepest respect ~ Aloha & Mahalo, Carol
orthodoxymoron- Posts : 13410
Join date : 2010-09-28
Location : The Matrix
OMG!! IT'S BEELZEBUB!!
https://2img.net/h/i272.photobucket.com/albums/jj195/drew2two/Fly.gif
THERE'S ALWAYS A FLY IN THE OINTMENT! WHERE'S CORRADO BALDUCCI WHEN YOU NEED HIM??! OH, I FORGOT -- HE'S DEAD...
https://2img.net/h/i272.photobucket.com/albums/jj195/drew2two/Fly.gif
THERE'S ALWAYS A FLY IN THE OINTMENT! WHERE'S CORRADO BALDUCCI WHEN YOU NEED HIM??! OH, I FORGOT -- HE'S DEAD...
orthodoxymoron- Posts : 13410
Join date : 2010-09-28
Location : The Matrix
HigherLove- Posts : 2357
Join date : 2011-01-27
Age : 58
Amish Airlines. OMG that is so bad.
___________________________________
Courtesy of a friend who is vegan -
___________________________________
Courtesy of a friend who is vegan -
HigherLove- Posts : 2357
Join date : 2011-01-27
Age : 58
HAPPY FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Carol- Admin
- Posts : 31748
Join date : 2010-04-07
Location : Hawaii
THE THREE SAMURAI
Shabbat Humor
There once was a powerful Japanese emperor who needed a new chief samurai.
So he sent out a declaration throughout the entire known world that he was searching for a chief.
A year passed, and only three people applied for the very demanding position:
a Japanese samurai, a Chinese samurai, and a Jewish samurai.
The emperor asked the Japanese samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be the chief samurai.
The Japanese samurai opened a matchbox, and out popped a bumblebee. Whoosh! went his sword.
The bumblebeedropped dead at the Emperor's feet, neatly chopped in half.
The emperor exclaimed, "That is very impressive!"
The emperor then issued the same challenge to the Chinese samurai, to come in and demonstrate why he should be chosen.
The Chinese samurai also opened a matchbox and out buzzed a fly. Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh, whoosh!
The fly dropped dead at the Emperor's feet, neatly chopped into four small pieces.
The emperor exclaimed, "That is very impressive!"
Now the emperor turned to the Jewish samurai, and asked him to demonstrate why he should be the chief samurai.
The Jewish Samurai opened a matchbox, and out flew a gnat. His flashing sword went Whoosh!
But the gnat was still alive and flying around.
The emperor, obviously disappointed, said, "Very ambitious, but why is that gnat not dead?"
The Jewish Samurai just smiled and said, "Circumcision is not meant to kill."
Shabbat Humor
There once was a powerful Japanese emperor who needed a new chief samurai.
So he sent out a declaration throughout the entire known world that he was searching for a chief.
A year passed, and only three people applied for the very demanding position:
a Japanese samurai, a Chinese samurai, and a Jewish samurai.
The emperor asked the Japanese samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be the chief samurai.
The Japanese samurai opened a matchbox, and out popped a bumblebee. Whoosh! went his sword.
The bumblebeedropped dead at the Emperor's feet, neatly chopped in half.
The emperor exclaimed, "That is very impressive!"
The emperor then issued the same challenge to the Chinese samurai, to come in and demonstrate why he should be chosen.
The Chinese samurai also opened a matchbox and out buzzed a fly. Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh, whoosh!
The fly dropped dead at the Emperor's feet, neatly chopped into four small pieces.
The emperor exclaimed, "That is very impressive!"
Now the emperor turned to the Jewish samurai, and asked him to demonstrate why he should be the chief samurai.
The Jewish Samurai opened a matchbox, and out flew a gnat. His flashing sword went Whoosh!
But the gnat was still alive and flying around.
The emperor, obviously disappointed, said, "Very ambitious, but why is that gnat not dead?"
The Jewish Samurai just smiled and said, "Circumcision is not meant to kill."
_________________
What is life?
It is the flash of a firefly in the night, the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime. It is the little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset.
With deepest respect ~ Aloha & Mahalo, Carol
HigherLove- Posts : 2357
Join date : 2011-01-27
Age : 58
_____________________
Carol- Admin
- Posts : 31748
Join date : 2010-04-07
Location : Hawaii
THREE NUNS ATTENDING AT BASEBALL GAME
THREE MEN WERE SITTING DIRECTLY BEHIND. BECAUSE THEIR HABITS WERE PARTIALLY BLOCKING THE VIEW, THE MEN DECIDED TO BADGER THE NUNS HOPING THAT THEY'D GET ANNOYED ENOUGH TO MOVE TO ANOTHER AREA.
IN A VERY LOUD VOICE, THE FIRST GUY SAID,
"I THINK I'M GOING TO MOVE TO UTAH . THERE ARE ONLY 100 NUNS LIVING THERE."
THEN THE SECOND GUY SPOKE UP AND SAID,
"I WANT TO GO TO MONTANA . THERE ARE ONLY 5O NUNS LIVING THERE."
THE THIRD GUY SAID,
"I WANT TO GO TO IDAHO . THERE ARE ONLY 25 NUNS LIVING THERE."
THE MOTHER SUPERIOR TURNED AROUND, LOOKED AT THE MEN, AND IN A VERY SWEET AND CALM VOICE SAID,
"WHY DON'T YOU GO TO HELL... THERE AREN'T ANY NUNS THERE!"
THREE MEN WERE SITTING DIRECTLY BEHIND. BECAUSE THEIR HABITS WERE PARTIALLY BLOCKING THE VIEW, THE MEN DECIDED TO BADGER THE NUNS HOPING THAT THEY'D GET ANNOYED ENOUGH TO MOVE TO ANOTHER AREA.
IN A VERY LOUD VOICE, THE FIRST GUY SAID,
"I THINK I'M GOING TO MOVE TO UTAH . THERE ARE ONLY 100 NUNS LIVING THERE."
THEN THE SECOND GUY SPOKE UP AND SAID,
"I WANT TO GO TO MONTANA . THERE ARE ONLY 5O NUNS LIVING THERE."
THE THIRD GUY SAID,
"I WANT TO GO TO IDAHO . THERE ARE ONLY 25 NUNS LIVING THERE."
THE MOTHER SUPERIOR TURNED AROUND, LOOKED AT THE MEN, AND IN A VERY SWEET AND CALM VOICE SAID,
"WHY DON'T YOU GO TO HELL... THERE AREN'T ANY NUNS THERE!"
_________________
What is life?
It is the flash of a firefly in the night, the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime. It is the little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset.
With deepest respect ~ Aloha & Mahalo, Carol
Carol- Admin
- Posts : 31748
Join date : 2010-04-07
Location : Hawaii
A woman takes a lover home during the day, while her husband is at work.
Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them, and hides in the bedroom closet. Then the woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.
The little boy says, 'Dark in here.'
The man says, 'Yes, it is.'
Boy - 'I have a golf ball.'
Man - 'That's nice.'
Boy - 'Want to buy it?'
Man - 'No, thanks.'
Boy - 'My dad's outside.'
Man - 'OK, how much?'
Boy - '$250'
A few weeks later, it happens again that the boy and the lover, are in the closet together..
Boy - 'Dark in here.'
Man - 'Yes, it is.'
Boy - 'I have a sand wedge.
'The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, 'How much?'
Boy - '$750'
Man - 'Sold.'
A few days later, the boys father says to the boy, 'Grab your sand wedge and golf ball, let's go outside and have some short game practice. The boy says, 'I can't, I sold my ball and sand wedge dad.'
The father says, 'What?! How much did you sell them for?'
Boy - '$1,000.'
The father says, 'That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is far more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess.'
They go to the church, and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, 'Dark in here.'
The priest says, 'Don't start that XXXX with me again! You're in my closet now!'
Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them, and hides in the bedroom closet. Then the woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.
The little boy says, 'Dark in here.'
The man says, 'Yes, it is.'
Boy - 'I have a golf ball.'
Man - 'That's nice.'
Boy - 'Want to buy it?'
Man - 'No, thanks.'
Boy - 'My dad's outside.'
Man - 'OK, how much?'
Boy - '$250'
A few weeks later, it happens again that the boy and the lover, are in the closet together..
Boy - 'Dark in here.'
Man - 'Yes, it is.'
Boy - 'I have a sand wedge.
'The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, 'How much?'
Boy - '$750'
Man - 'Sold.'
A few days later, the boys father says to the boy, 'Grab your sand wedge and golf ball, let's go outside and have some short game practice. The boy says, 'I can't, I sold my ball and sand wedge dad.'
The father says, 'What?! How much did you sell them for?'
Boy - '$1,000.'
The father says, 'That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is far more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess.'
They go to the church, and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, 'Dark in here.'
The priest says, 'Don't start that XXXX with me again! You're in my closet now!'
_________________
What is life?
It is the flash of a firefly in the night, the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime. It is the little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset.
With deepest respect ~ Aloha & Mahalo, Carol
Carol- Admin
- Posts : 31748
Join date : 2010-04-07
Location : Hawaii
FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE PETS, THIS IS A TRUE STORY.
FOR THOSE THAT DON'T, IT IS STILL A TRUE STORY.
FOR THOSE THAT DON'T, IT IS STILL A TRUE STORY.
The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.
Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes on the floor with the paw prints are yours and contain your food The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate does not mean that is is suddenly your food, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the top of the stairs is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It Is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space that you are taking up, is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required.
The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.
Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:
TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:
(1) They live here. You don't.
(2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'-niture.
(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.
Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
(1) eat less,
(2) don't ask for money all the time,
(3) are easier to train,
(4) normally come when called,
(5) never ask to drive the car,
(6) don't hang out with drug-using people;
(7) don't smoke or drink,
(
don't want to wear your clothes,
(9) don't have to buy the latest fashions,
(10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and
(11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children..
(1) They live here. You don't.
(2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'-niture.
(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.
Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
(1) eat less,
(2) don't ask for money all the time,
(3) are easier to train,
(4) normally come when called,
(5) never ask to drive the car,
(6) don't hang out with drug-using people;
(7) don't smoke or drink,
(
don't want to wear your clothes,(9) don't have to buy the latest fashions,
(10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and
(11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children..
_________________
What is life?
It is the flash of a firefly in the night, the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime. It is the little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset.
With deepest respect ~ Aloha & Mahalo, Carol
ClearWater- Posts : 439
Join date : 2010-04-09
Age : 49
Location : Minnesota
HigherLove- Posts : 2357
Join date : 2011-01-27
Age : 58
HigherLove wrote:HAPPY FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oct 7, 2011 10:11am
“We Built This City” Named “Worst Song of the 1980s”
Let’s face it — the 1980s gave us a lot of bad, cheesy and embarrassing music. But is the worst song the decade of Rubik’s cubes and leg warmers produced really the #1 hit “We Built This City” by Starship? It is, according to the readers of Rolling Stone.
The magazine asked its readers to vote in an online poll for the most horrifyingly bad songs of the ’80s, and Starship came out on top — by a huge margin. According to the magazine, it was “what could be the biggest blow-out victory in the history of the Rolling Stone Readers Poll.” Apparently, fans who loved edgy rockers The Jefferson Airplane back in the sixties didn’t appreciate the fact that the band had seemingly morphed into a slick, soulless pop act called Starship.
Coming in at #2 in the poll was Europe‘s awesomely lousy song “The Final Countdown,” and #3 was Chris de Burgh‘s ballad “The Lady in Red.” The rest of the top 10 were as follows:
4. Wham! — “Wake Me Up (Before You Go Go)”
5. Men Without Hats — “The Safety Dance”
6. Falco — “Rock Me Amadeus”
7. Bobby McFerrin — “Don’t Worry Be Happy”
8. Toni Basil — “Mickey”
9. Taco — “Puttin’ On the Ritz”
10. Rick Astley — “Never Gonna Give You Up”
http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/entertainment/2011/10/we-built-this-city-named-worst-song-of-the-1980s/
HigherLove- Posts : 2357
Join date : 2011-01-27
Age : 58
For animal lovers, this is priceless: which doggie ate the cat treats whilst its steward was away?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B8ISzf2pryI&feature=player_embedded#t=76s
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B8ISzf2pryI&feature=player_embedded#t=76s
Carol- Admin
- Posts : 31748
Join date : 2010-04-07
Location : Hawaii
Hysterical malletzky ... thanks for the chuckle.
The flight attendant explained that there be a delay, and if the passengers wanted to get off the aircraft the plane would re-board in 50 minutes.
Everybody got off the plane except one lady who was blind.
A man had noticed her as he walked by and could tell the lady was blind because her guide dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of her throughout the entire flight.
He could also tell she had flown this very flight before because the pilot approached her, and Calling her by name, said, "Kathy, we are in Sacramento for almost an hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?
The blind lady said, "No thanks, but maybe Buddy would like to stretch his legs."
Picture this:
ll the people in the gate area came to a complete standstill when they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with a guide dog for the blind!
Even worse, the pilot was wearing sunglasses!
People scattered. They not only tried to change planes, but they were trying to change airlines!
WALKING THE DOG
A woman was flying from Seattle to San Francisco. Unexpectedly, the plane was diverted to Sacramento along the way. The flight attendant explained that there be a delay, and if the passengers wanted to get off the aircraft the plane would re-board in 50 minutes.
Everybody got off the plane except one lady who was blind.
A man had noticed her as he walked by and could tell the lady was blind because her guide dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of her throughout the entire flight.
He could also tell she had flown this very flight before because the pilot approached her, and Calling her by name, said, "Kathy, we are in Sacramento for almost an hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?
The blind lady said, "No thanks, but maybe Buddy would like to stretch his legs."
Picture this:
ll the people in the gate area came to a complete standstill when they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with a guide dog for the blind!
Even worse, the pilot was wearing sunglasses!
People scattered. They not only tried to change planes, but they were trying to change airlines!
True story.....
Have a great day and remember....
THINGS AREN'T ALWAYS AS THEY APPEAR.
(believe nothing you hear and only half of what you see)
Have a great day and remember....
THINGS AREN'T ALWAYS AS THEY APPEAR.
(believe nothing you hear and only half of what you see)
_________________
What is life?
It is the flash of a firefly in the night, the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime. It is the little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset.
With deepest respect ~ Aloha & Mahalo, Carol
orthodoxymoron- Posts : 13410
Join date : 2010-09-28
Location : The Matrix
HigherLove- Posts : 2357
Join date : 2011-01-27
Age : 58
"Only in California"? hehehe
________________________________________
HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
________________________________________
________________________________________
orthodoxymoron wrote:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B5-FNGuJxuo&feature=related
HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
________________________________________
HigherLove- Posts : 2357
Join date : 2011-01-27
Age : 58
mudra- Posts : 23218
Join date : 2010-04-09
Age : 69
Location : belgium
HigherLove- Posts : 2357
Join date : 2011-01-27
Age : 58
HigherLove- Posts : 2357
Join date : 2011-01-27
Age : 58
Floyd- Posts : 4104
Join date : 2010-04-16
Q How many ears does Dr Spock have.
A 3 The left ear, the right ear and the final front ear.
A 3 The left ear, the right ear and the final front ear.
HigherLove- Posts : 2357
Join date : 2011-01-27
Age : 58
Floyd wrote:Q How many ears does Dr Spock have.
A 3 The left ear, the right ear and the final front ear.
HigherLove- Posts : 2357
Join date : 2011-01-27
Age : 58
HigherLove- Posts : 2357
Join date : 2011-01-27
Age : 58
An advertisement for a local business along Highway 101 in Northern California:
