Andromeda wrote:
It is an interesting conundrum...if we want to empower ourself we need to stand alone? I think yes, because within we have all that we need to "know ourselves" and knowing is the first step to healing
Do we need to stand alone?........It is a good question. Yes, I agree that within we have all we need to know about ourselves. Without the knowledge of who we are we can’t have deep and intimate relationships and friendships with others. I think that the real test we undergo when we are in relationships. Are we separate yet together? Or we merge or are enmeshed with another person so that it is difficult to tell where one person ends and the other begins. Can we talk about empowerment when we lost ourselves in fusion with another? No, we can’t. It is a problem for most relationships. Sadly, many people stay in relationships that don’t work while others decide to be alone. None of the choices indicates a fully empowered or individuated person. It is easy to be alone as people blocked themselves to experience many feelings that are triggered in close and intimate relationships. But they block themselves to get to know their weaknesses and wounds, and as such, they don’t heal and become complete and fully integrated person. On the other hand, people who stay in fused relationship don’t grow either. They may release anxiety in their relationship by engaging the third person. It is a classic triangle that was created to avoid facing the real, threatening, or scary issues between them. In other words, people triangle-in a third person when emotional tension between the two of them gets to high for either to deal with. It happens in relationships and friendships. In a triangle the awareness of their own inner life by each member tends to be low to absent, and the boundaries of each tend to be unhealthy. Many people create a triangle to avoid closeness and intimacy. They may create interlocking triangles as the pain of one triangle can’t be contained.
The good news is that the more individuated person becomes, he or she attracts the individuated person. So, they can be separate yet together. It is impossible for an individuated person who has strong sense of self and healthy boundary to be with less individuated person with unclear boundary. Like attracts alike.
Too bad that this knowledge doesn’t come together with a birth certificate. 
What I mean, women are trained to do emotional job for men and it is not our job to do so. When women change the pattern, many men loose their balance for a while and they are intensified their “change back” behavior, wanting his partner to be back to the old behavior. As a result of intense anxiety caused by the behavior of partner , many women give up. Only women who don’t give up but change the emotional pattern in relationships have deep and intimate relationships that are balanced. 
