Remembering who I am

HigherLove wrote:

Carol wrote:I honestly think I'm probably the eldest member on this forum. Yet my avatar is an image of how I view myself within. It's a place where one is ageless. As spiritual beings we are both of these energies intermingled. We take on the expression on one particular sex to understand what life is about from that experience. I remember many, many lives as a male monk and with a little help from ET had full recall of the interlife when I was choosing a female body - and in hysterics laughing because it was so completely opposite from my usual incarnation. All of my planets are in masculine signs yet to actually see me one would never think male (except for one secretary I had who told me I thought like a man). What I found amusing in this life is the attraction I have for some asian and Indian women. I just recall being so surprised and thought, ah hah, this must be residual from past lives. Yet, I also love men and find them just as fascinating. I honestly think that we are androgenous and tend to go with the hormone call... and perhaps a few genetic leanings.

Having experienced the hormone game on multiple levels I learned how much they can control one's life. Although the life path includes sex, what is even more important is the connection one makes at the heart level which transcends the needs of the physical. These other things (physical needs and desires) can come and go. Yet in the long run what is important is the connection we make at a spiritual level where we can appreciate the totality of each others humaness.

Your Avatar is fascinating and beautiful, and seems to capture the essence of what you are putting out there.

I have never attempted past-life regressions (at least not in this life).

The more I "wake up" the less interested I am in sex. Or is it the other way around. I mean, did I have enough sex that I finally woke up?

I just spent some time alone, looking after the animals of some friends.

We had a freak snow storm, and I nearly slid off the edge of a cliff.

I do not know what stopped me, but I was ready to die, and I remember thinking that I have been a good person, and I was okay with dying.

It was all in slow motion, of course, so one of my other thoughts (while screaming) was, "Just get it over with".

My car jumped the small berm that seperated the edge of the road from oblivion.

I do not know how/why I was able to stop, but when I did, it was immediate.

I was able to get a ride to my friend's house, but my car is still stuck in the snow (and vandalized).

Anyhow, the power went out and I had turkeys, chickens, ducks, 10 cats, 3 dogs, a guinea pig and two fish to look after.

I did not think about sex.

I thought about companionship.

The illusion of separation is very powerful.

I was lost in my loneliness for a time before I remembered my intention to "talk to the trees".

Actually, I realized the trees had been talking and I was not paying attention.

It looked like Narnia outiside, and I expected to run into Tumnus at any moment.

The short of it: Even in their endless patience, the trees are quite upset. They have called out to Gaia, but in unison with other organisms. Their first choice is to look after us, but they are in dire straits.

And they are still so beautiful.

After a couple of days of little food, and hyperventilating after gathering fire wood, I sort of left my body for a moment.

I started to get a bit scared, then remembered that some people deliberately use such techniques to visit other planes.

I attempted to announce that it was my journey and I picked where I went.

But that is not how it came down.

I am not sure where I went, but it was a bit scary for a moment.

I had been thinking about this site, and feeling badly about jumping in on the other thread -- unfinished business, so to speak.

Suddenly I was just in the dark, and I heard the words: "You have been found to be in service to others".

Then I snapped out of it, feeling a little silly.

The next day I realized I culd not live on the rest of the peanut butter in the cabinet, and that I would have to leave.

I tried two times, and got the message to stop.

Suddenly, I got the stong message, "Leave, right now". I walked to the roads that had been cleared, then up to the highway. The very first person to come along offered me a ride to a place where my family could get to me. I was back home in less than one hour.

I am still processing all of this, along with my experience in the "Judgment room".

All I know is that I am good to go.

Wherever that may be...

Carol wrote:I've been observing you observing us for awhile now and am glad you decided to become a member. You see, you are part of our soul group and we have been waiting for you to join us.

How do I know this? By your own words, "I am bound by my contract to serve and protect."

This is my contract and many others here as well. You may be one of the monks from a previous life as they are very tender hearted and sensitive. Each is needed to help ground the energy that is pouring in and you along with OXY are one of the West Cost members. Brook, Lionhawk, JT and others on the East Coast. Linda in Georgia. Mercuriel is in Canada, Mudra, TRANCOSO, Floyd, burgundia in Europe, Anchor and Instigator in Australia, Lawless in France and on it goes. Yesterday I had this insight of how we are providing a different type of energy grid for the planet. A grid that is filled with intention of how things can be (the image of heaven on earth undergoing a solar system transfiguration). Something amazing is happening and we are here now to assist on an energetic level in this transformation. The old paradigm is literally falling apart on multiple levels (earth changes, economic, plant/animal, the sea) and out of it something wonderful will be born.

We need you and I suspect you need us to work as a global community to help create a nexus, a vision... for the next step.

I wrote about this to Ken last night as a lot of shared from Nicolai which triggered a new memory/insight of what lies ahead and it is very exciting.

Perhaps, I may share it if others are interested.

Just know we want you here with us. Welcome

HigherLove wrote:

Carol wrote:I've been observing you observing us for awhile now and am glad you decided to become a member. You see, you are part of our soul group and we have been waiting for you to join us.

How do I know this? By your own words, "I am bound by my contract to serve and protect."

This is my contract and many others here as well. You may be one of the monks from a previous life as they are very tender hearted and sensitive. Each is needed to help ground the energy that is pouring in and you along with OXY are one of the West Cost members.

Just as an aside: I like the monk idea for several reasons:

1. I have always wanted to join a monestary, because it seems more practical. Well, I like the concept of communal living, in general.

2. It has been a strange week, and I am just glad that I wasn't Vlad, the Impaler.

3. I saw brown hoods and robes in the "Judgment Room", when I was told I was found to be in service to others.

I don't know what is going on, but in the words of the Cowardly Lion, there is just one thing I want you to do: "Talk me out of it".

HigherLove wrote:I do not know if this is my imagination, wishful thinking or what not, but this thought keeps spinning in my head, re: said Judgment Room.

I was left with the impression that it is not a one-time deal, and that it was not my first time at that table, or something like it.

That is, I was left with a feeling that we are sort of "evaluated" at random, periodically, and it sort of gets averaged out.

If we never know the time of judgment, who is to say it has not already happened?

Another piece I left out was about being told that I had "made it", or that it was "okay to pass". My feeling was that judgment for me in this lifetime is over, and that I am good to go - I have been given a pass. To where, I have no idea. Again, this could be wishful, egoic thinking, run amok, but it won't stop.

After nearly ten years in college, stressing over every exam -- I always passed. Back then I pondered this judgment question, and wondered if I would "Pass".

If I were to believe my own words, it would seem that I am saying judgment is underway, and major decisions are being made. Now.

Who am I to say this?

I feel as though I may be a conduit of some sort. Not special. Just is. I feel pressure inside as if someone wishes to speak but cannot.

It's really uncomfortable.

Brook wrote:Yes, most definitely past life. Very interesting. since I prompted you to start this, I will tell you this from my experience. Remember this is "past life" first and foremost. That being said, you may have some recall that is rather disturbing. I know I did. And it is very important to remember to separate this life with that life. You are one being, and that was a past experience, however you may run across something that will bring you to your knees as did I. When that happens it's good to bring yourself back to this reality and remember that it was the "past", and as such is NOT who you are now. Upon that realization a light turns on, and it brings to "light" so many of your current life experience. Such as possible karma, or simply why you are here today which is most important.

In doing that, you will come to 'balance", and get a settling within that brings peace once it's realized. If for any reason at any time should you need to find someone who can assist you with the emotional overflow that might occur I would be more that happy to assist. Because I've been there and I know it can occur. I once had a memory come to me while I was in the shower, and fell to the floor sobbing from a memory of a child that had been murdered. Not the best thing to realize while taking a shower. But it passed, and it made the experience "settle". I was very grateful I had someone to relate this experience to. So I offer that if you have no one else to turn to. I'm sure there are many others here that would do the same. We are one big family here....don't ever feel we are not available.

And last....Ground yourself!! Very important! As this stuff will send you reeling once it starts REALLY flooding in.

HigherLove wrote:

Brook wrote:Yes, most definitely past life. Very interesting. since I prompted you to start this, I will tell you this from my experience. Remember this is "past life" first and foremost. That being said, you may have some recall that is rather disturbing. I know I did. And it is very important to remember to separate this life with that life. You are one being, and that was a past experience, however you may run across something that will bring you to your knees as did I. When that happens it's good to bring yourself back to this reality and remember that it was the "past", and as such is NOT who you are now. Upon that realization a light turns on, and it brings to "light" so many of your current life experience. Such as possible karma, or simply why you are here today which is most important.

In doing that, you will come to 'balance", and get a settling within that brings peace once it's realized. If for any reason at any time should you need to find someone who can assist you with the emotional overflow that might occur I would be more that happy to assist. Because I've been there and I know it can occur. I once had a memory come to me while I was in the shower, and fell to the floor sobbing from a memory of a child that had been murdered. Not the best thing to realize while taking a shower. But it passed, and it made the experience "settle". I was very grateful I had someone to relate this experience to. So I offer that if you have no one else to turn to. I'm sure there are many others here that would do the same. We are one big family here....don't ever feel we are not available.

And last....Ground yourself!! Very important! As this stuff will send you reeling once it starts REALLY flooding in.

I hear you.

Yeah...this is where I need guidance, and I really appreciate it.

I have seen some awful stuff, but a pretty decent soul, from the beginning.

This incarnation is by far the most challenging.

Peace

jude wrote:Higher Love, have just finished reading this thread... and am more 'happy' to be here on this forum.

Celtic music, monasteries, Ireland-- these have always been of great interest to me.

Because of my exposure (in this life) to the theories of Nothing, to the concepts of us and this planet being both 'real' and 'unreal' (holograms/story/script)... i have been able to adjust to those memories of various and sometimes horrible death experiences. Being a character in a story, BEING my role in the script... helped me resolve inner pain and conflict.

And i am finally in peace with who and what i am.

Blessings to you.

Carol wrote:Thank you Troy for sharing your vision/experiences.

I once had this deep purple terry cloth robe with a hood. At night I would find myself walking down the darkened hall way up against the wall with my hands tucked into the opposite cuff of the long sleeves. Ironically, our one son is now a Buddhist monk and our house friend lived in the Zen Monastery in San Franciso for 7 years. It seems we are surrounded by monks we have been with in past lives. I often had a sense that this was the type of life that suited me best.

Several years ago I woke up in my spiritual home. I was lying on something like a couch. When the others saw me open my eyes they were so happy and came rushing over to say greet me. I just felt this outpouring of love from them. I could see that they were decorating (painting the walls) to surprise me and I was letting them know the color blue I wanted... but there really were no walls as the structure was made of white pillars. Then I awoke on my couch at home on earth. Only I had just left my real home and was back on earth to complete my mission. It is often surprising to me how a little visit to my spiritual home is so sustaining, so real, and the essence of the experience is so spiritually nurturing that it fills me up and makes it easier to deal with the 3D realities. I've also noticed a pattern in my life as these very special spiritual gifts tend to come before a very difficult karmic unfolding in my life with past life relationships. In each situation I passed the test. Sadly, the other person involved did not. Yet, it was an opportunity to see how past life connections are here in our lives so we can continue to grow spiritually. Release, Relax and Let Go has become a mantra when reviewing the images that come from past lives.