...continued from the "Contact with Pris" thread now locked at the request of the OP
blue roller
Posts: 317
Join date: 2015-10-03
View IP address of posterPost n°604
Re: Contact with Pris
Post blue roller Yesterday at 1:49 am
Okay . I have recieved a number of PM's over the course of this thread. Some are silly, some have been entrapping and some I can't make sense of but a Few of them are really very important questions that deserve an answer. I am just not able to give much time to this forum anymore. My input has been on the fly between jobs and commitments so i have had to dash out replies often during breaks or when exhausted in the evening.
In order to engage Pris effectively I have tried to give her enough clues to follow the trail without dissempowering her and everyone one else by doing massive info dumps . If you don't engage the process you don't get enough Potential difference build up to fire the synapses and make the ah ha moments possible.
~~~~~~~
Question: If what you say is true and they can take over people's bodies using Wi Fi , how does that effect ordinary people like me?
Answer: In star Trek nemesis , Riker's body is possessed by Shinzon so he can experience sex with Deanna Troy . That's body snatching in a Nutshell.
What most people dont realize is that its done all the time. A fathers body can be snatched so that he will be made to sleep with his daughter or mother with son . The effects of this abuse are disastrous for family unity and the bonds of trust and love . Often the possessed blame themselves but they will say "I dont know what came over me when I did it". No they dont but they are forced to live with the heartbreak of defiling those most dear to them.
Wi Fi greatly increases the ability of the Cabal to enter people's homes and do this. Its the ultimate weapon because the enemy is inside the gates and the people cannot see it.
This is strongly illustrated in the Film Kingsman. Eggsy's mother nearly kills her own Daughter until the machine is switched off .
The older pre Wi Fi protocols used amongst other things, the drug rohypnol ( derivative anagram of Hypnosis) ,used to smoke Eggsy and his friends at the nightclub.
This common date rape drug completely wipes surface memory leaving the trauma unresolved in the subconscious mind . Wi Fi does the same thing .
Now its also important to understand and make the connections between Wi Fi abuse and the machine . The abuse does not have to take place physically for it effects to be made manifest . If it happens when you are dreaming the humiliation is just as bad and damaging. The machine impersonates loved ones to gain access to your mind . The machine is an industrial mind hacker feeding on pain and shame to control and enslave.
Yes, it's scary stuff. A good question and one I should have addressed and clarified before .
Question; Why do you limit your interaction to Pris and still make the thread open ?
Answer: Firstly because she is smart ,open minded and shrewd . She makes the effort to really listen and follow up. The results of her hard work are there for all to see .She made this thread work far better than I could ever hope to . Its her thread more than mine.
Secondly, because I just dont have the time and energy to engage a whole bunch of people . Its hard work engaging one person . Its also been at times painful because breaking free is hard work. It threatens other people.
Gotta go but there are a few more Q's worth the candle . And that's what I am trying to do here . Light a warm fire in people's hearts, not fear.
BUT you cant pour new wine in old skins. You don't fill a fresh cup with a hole in the bottom . You have to heal , you have to know your enemy and you have to deal with the ignorance that allowed you to be enslaved. Knowledge gives you the strength to do that.
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Question; I had an OBE using pot when I was young . Is that ok to use drugs ?
Answer: When I was very young and stupid I had an OBE smoking pot but at the time I thought I was being eaten by the Sofa . Lmao
Which in itself brings up a very important point. I did not know what was happening so I freaked out.
I think under authentic and experienced supervision drugs can be used effectively but only very cautiously to initiate the first
experiences .
But I do not do drugs and I don't recommend them either. I did it the old fashioned way through research and patient effort . I also had some assistance from my ET family WHEN I WAS READY FOR IT.
You have to be ready for this. You have to be mature enough, mentally stable enough, to cope with entering a whole new world without become a religious nut job or end up in the asylum .
In the Paul Film, Paul knows that a little bit of relaxation smoking pot will help him help Ruth . Religious people are up tight, literally physically up tight . You cannot free your mind from the body prison when you are tense. Relaxation is the major key in OBE.
Many people do drugs to escape but I personally suggest that a healthy balanced diet of organic food and a guilt free love life are the best formula.
Now used responsibly ,alcohol relaxes and reduces inhibition. In moderation with a good meal its a perfectly natural and good thing.
But again , abuse alcohol and you make your self vulnerable, very vulnerable to having your body jacked ,walked in to. Why do so many drinkers come home and beat /rape their partners? Because they are no longer the master of their mind. They are possessed.
Religious organizations fail to instruct their faithful about whats really happening when they sin because they profit from guilt and shame. Its what brings the punters coming back for redemption from their shame. The catholic church is alcoholics unanimous.
OBE is no different to taking a walk in Downtown Chicago. Wander down the wrong block and you can get in serious trouble . So it pays to have your wits about you , in or out of body. Drugs should be no more than an occasional aid in the beginning.
If you have contact with ET's you trust then they can dramatically increase your range of travel and length of time out. So can the planet mothers. Best internet connection in the universe , the mother net . Talk about your information/galactic gossip super highway.
'OOh did you hear what Venus did last week ?'
'She's been cannoodling with Uranus !'
'Who told you that ?'
'Between you me and the asteroid Belt ,the moon ,'
'OOOOOh ,well I never...........'
~~~~~~~~~
Question; I find your attitude to religion offensive and your talk about sexual matters vulgar and infantile ! Where do you get off and why are you so angry about religion ? What makes you think your better than anyone else !?
Answer: Ouch ! well okay fair enough actually .I think the lady who asked me this is genuinely upset and when i thought about it she did make a valid point . My anger .
Lets start with the religion thing . Religion demands you surrender your self to Jesus or Allah or whoever . You turn yourself over to Jesus and make him your personal Savior. You put your faith and trust in him or whoever .
In practice you just gave the Beast/machine permission to hack your mind ! Ordinarily your brain has a guardian to stop that happening .Its called your conscience and gut instinct. It will ring the alarm bells and stop the hack . Disable your virus protection and the devil just walks right in your living room and drags your wife upstairs . Or your husband .
Religion gives the devil permission.
Now in reference to sex . I enjoy it and anyone who says they dont is lying or in denial. But Making love is a far more accurate expression. In fact I often find I have the best OBE's after making love because I am blissfully relaxed.
Sadly far to many people, referring back to my first answer ,suffer from incest Guilt as a result of being hacked/abused etc. So sex is no longer a joyful but shameful thing. My experience suggests to me that at least sixty percent of the human population suffers from this heart breaking state of affairs. Crippled by shame , they withdraw in to their shells and intimacy becomes very difficult. Love ,romance , intimacy etc become a threat . Fear of abandonment ,fear of intimacy , fear of life .
All of which leads these poor people back to the last place they should go for comfort or redemption , the Church or the shrinks couch.
Having watched so many dear friends and lovers destroyed by the above , YES it makes me angry and I know that's not healthy but its there and I do my best to manage it because anger is another way to loose control of your body .
Religion provides excuses for denial of joy , denial of true love and intimacy . Devoid of touch and connection, people become neurotic,angry, prudish and unable to enjoy life without feeling guilty.
Loneliness in a crowd . Loneliness in every aspect of their lives , the countless millions who suffer from incest guilt live lives of quiet desperation and fear. When they do reach out ,they hedge their bets, ashamed of being seen , ashamed of who they think they are .
They crave attention only to reject it when it gets to real. You see it on forums all the time.
~~~~~~~~
Wow. Got a PM from a lady .She wants to remain anonymous so I am just going to paraphrase as best I can what she wrote to me .She did give me permission to share her story so here goes . It choked me up reading it.
Question/comments: I can't say i really like you that much Mr Roller because I think you are kinda rude and up yourself ! (fair enough) But I read what you said about the wi fi and the incest thing and it choked me up because it explains a lot and maybe you are right .
My daddy was a real nice man , kind and gentle . He worked hard and yes we went to church because were we lived pretty much everyone did . One day he came up to my room and I think he had had a bit to drink but not much . He forced himself on me and I was to young to fight back . Next day he could not look at me and I could see he was real ashamed . He did not hug me ever after that , just ignored me .I never saw him smile at me. It hurt so much .
Then he took to drinking more and more and coming to my room when no one else was home. He did not say anything.His face was dead like I did not even recognize he was my daddy . It was him and it wasn't .
When he was dying in the hospital he asked me to come see him. I did not want to. I hated him for what he did and he messed me up real good . But my family pushed me ,said he needed to see me real bad. So I went .
He said he loved me and I cried and he said can you forgive me for what I did and I was angry and confused and wanted to hit him and say go to hell you bastard . He took my hand real gentle and said something like 'I know you aint gonna believe me when I say this but it was the devil , the devil made me do what I did and i could'nt help it'. He cried like I aint never seen a man cry before and I cried too. But I walked out on him and never said I forgave him.
I dont like the way you disrespect church people , they aint all bad folk but some are . May be your right . I see god though in the flowers in my garden and stuff.
Answer: I guess this is the reason why I find posting so hard. I want to share and maybe help some people but its like no one wants to listen really . They just seem to want to run and hide from the truth . Well Mrs H , I am so sorry and I forgive you completely for everything you think about me . Its OK. YOU can give me a hard time anytime because you speak from the heart and I can respect that.
A long time ago when my mentor started telling me about this stuff I did not want to hear it even though I had experienced attempted walk in and possession ! Its funny how we try to block stuff out when it gets to close to home.
They call mindless people Drones don't they ? Well in a very real sense they are . They are not in full possession of themselves.
Now we take drones for granted. Flying drones, hovering remote controlled drones and we think nothing of it. I grew up flying radio controlled planes as a kid . Remote control . Same thing .
More and more I see all around me how easily we are partially or completely remotely controlled. How the system is designed to play us ,string us along and frame us .
There is a great deal I dont feel comfortable sharing .Its personal and its heart breaking and I dont want to turn this thread in to a pity party . I have seen the damage though in so many people now that I can recognize the signs and its gut wrenching .
The last time someone attempted walk in on me they used technology to try and paralyze me first. So i turned on the righteous indignation and fried that sucker until he a was little blue ball of light and fizzed out. You can do that in the Lucid dream/OBE state .
Never surrender to fear because fear is surrender. Put your hand out in front of you and push them away with energy. Be firm, stand your ground and say NO.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Well so much for making a quiet exit.
Got another PM from Mrs H . First I got a dressing down for making fun of her dialect though I dont think she was to upset about it . I like her dialect but anyway .
I then got a brief lecture on manners followed by a nice follow up story about a dream she had . I had to promise to delete her PM after I had read it so I Just read it a few times to make sure I got the jist of it.
She says shortly after she pm'd me the first time she had a dream where she knew she was dreaming and met her father in a beautiful garden . She saw her father approach her slowly. No, I can't do it like this mrs H , im going to paraphrase you again from memory so its your voice . Yes I know I wont get it completely right but your going to have to put up with it . I will do it without the dialect hows that ?
'I saw my father approach me cautiously . He did not say anything but I saw the love and sadness in his eye's and I knew it was him. I felt angry and happy and sad all at the same time . I knew he needed my forgiveness and I had to struggle with it but I put out my arms and held him . I felt all the pain drain out of me like I was ,dont laugh , taking a big number two . We hugged for a long time and then as we stepped back and looked at each other again I saw just love and gratitude . He kind of dissolved in to the garden and I felt him say in my head that he would always be in my garden when I needed him.'
'I woke up and then I started to cry like I have never cried before . It came from deep down inside like I was regurgitating in big heaving sobs. It was overwhelming but it felt so good to let it out and today I am happier than I have been for the longest time.'
'I still think your rude and insensitive etc but I am glad this happened .'
Well Okay , Mrs H . It was actually really nice to hear from you again and good to know at least somebody got something out of this thread . I love gardening too so at least that's something we have in common .
Well I think that's all the follow up im going to do . I was not planning to but it needed to be done. I dont know if Pris wants to do anymore here . You can all go ahead and take a big dump here now as far as I am concerned because funnily enough that's what this thread is about . Using OBE/lucidity to deal with your sh1t.
~~~~~~~~~~
Okay Mrs H. One last time and then enough with the questions please. I am not going to reply in a private PM because I know what happens when people take me out of context so im putting it here for the record.
Im not saying people who go to church are all evil . I think the church as an institution is though . Yes i did used to go to church sometimes but its not the same where I grew up. Church Of England is really layed back and you dont get that hardcore sermonizing you may be used to in the US . Europe does not tend to be as in your face about Jesus .
Yes i can see there is virtue in some of what Jesus taught and I get that but you know the most dangerous poisons are usually disguised with plenty of sweetener so you will swallow it.
Yes I know Bach did a lot of beautiful stuff about the passion of christ . The mathew passion just happens to be one of my favorite pieces of music . I know that seems hypocritical to you but what can I say ? maybe the music transcends the crazy stuff and that's good .
I think its great that you were able to open up to someone privately and share anonymously your experience here . It helped you heal ,that's the important thing . I know many people who took thirty/ forty years to even talk about or admit they went through what you did.
Its not unusual , its extremely common ,what you went through . Many abused people get the twisted notion that their abuse makes them 'special' . Its a compensation that twists their mind . There is nothing special about it.
I could spend hours writing up about all the women I have known personally who have been abused but its to painful . But so that you know how it affects the person ,this is what I know from my personal experience with this.
Often the victim projects their abuse on to 'someone they know' ie their sister so that they can talk about their pain through a proxy . Its like the guy who goes to the doctor and says "I have this friend Doc who does not want to to see you personally SO I came here on his behalf......"
Symptoms vary a lot . Different women I have known have all coped in various ways . I think it depends a lot on their personality type and upbringing .
One eg . Daughter of a CIA agent . Went promiscuous and self destructive. Hard drinking ,partying etc. Another friend ,quite the opposite. Withdrew deeply and avoided any kind of intimacy . Both very attractive girls but self esteem was really low .
The other thing I notice is a tendency to pull you in and push you away ,constantly shifting the goal posts to test you then extreme mood swings from happy and full of fun to moody ,cranky and withdrawn . The hard part is getting abused women to stabilize long enough to work through the pain in a healthy way.
Yes I know there are a lot of lousy guys out there but you know that's another tendency you see in abused women. They punish themselves because they blame themselves for what happened and end up going out with losers. Sorry to put it bluntly but its a pattern you see over and over again . Often the guy is a father substitute and they figure they can redeem the father by proxy . There is no sound logic in it but its very typical . OR they pick guys who are Mummy's boys. Safe ,non threatening and rather lame.
Its not about me judging you or them. Im saying objectively and hopefully impartially , this is how the abuse affects them . The trouble is that there is no one to support them when they do come out and tell the truth . Usually the opposite happens . That's when you realize how sick the social system is. It exists to exploit and harness the pain of victims not help them.
But its not just the women being abused and this I think will help you understand . Many men are abused as boys too by their mothers . The trouble is though that sexual abuse by mothers is much harder to detect and see because its more accepted for mothers to demonstrate affection without anyone noticing anything untoward . Yes ,I have known many guys who suffered the results of this kind of thing . It affects men a bit differently though . Often it artificially boosts their self esteem , not destroy it. But mothers boys are bad news usually . Unable to have healthy relationships with other women they tend to reduce their wives to housekeepers.
You get this kind of stagnant superficial relationship where there is no real love and warmth. Its very common . Often the guy ends up becoming Bisexual to avoid the shame he associates with being intimate with a mother substitute !
Yes its crazy , what can I say ? Most important thing is forgive your self. Its not your fault. The child always blames themselves because they think 'I must have done something wrong to be treated like this' .NO ,you did nothing wrong .
At least you had the courage to see that your fathers behaviour was actually wrong but then of course its not that easy either . Was it him or was he under someone else's control ?
Some abusers do know exactly what they are doing . I think the research suggests only about ten percent of the population is capable of overt abuse without conscience. Psychopath in other words .
Psychological abuse can be just as damaging as physical ,even more so . All i can say is what I believe to be true and I try to put it in to practice every day with my daughter. Lots of love and laughter and family group hugs . I told my daughter as soon as she was old enough to understand about not letting anyone, including daddy, touch her private places . I went further and told her in no uncertain terms how to kick in the balls, any guy that tried it ! So she did one day at school with a boy who pushed his luck .
Education and teaching kids early about the realities of the world is the best protection.
My daughter has got wise to religion early so she is much safer than the kids who get brainwashed . Sorry but that's how I feel.
There are parents who will sabotage other parents kids or put them in harms way .Seen that a few times . I dont trust most people further than I can kick them .Sad but true.
The thing that hurts the most though is believing you are unloved and unlovable because you are unworthy or a slut or some other horrible label that gets attached to you . Everyone deserves and needs to know they are loved . That they are beautiful.
Religion talks love but actually steals it ,rapes it and twists it. That's my experience anyway.
I know you think I am a scallywag but im not really . I am an old fashioned romantic at heart. Everyone is if they were allowed to be I think. But you know most guys, if you enjoy holding hands with a girl will make out your soft or 'gay' ! Its rubbish but that's how mothers boys try to look tough.
I have to go . You get out there and love the rest of your life Mrs H . I hope you find the love you deserve.
blue roller
Posts: 317
Join date: 2015-10-03
View IP address of posterPost n°604
Re: Contact with Pris
Post blue roller Yesterday at 1:49 am
Okay . I have recieved a number of PM's over the course of this thread. Some are silly, some have been entrapping and some I can't make sense of but a Few of them are really very important questions that deserve an answer. I am just not able to give much time to this forum anymore. My input has been on the fly between jobs and commitments so i have had to dash out replies often during breaks or when exhausted in the evening.
In order to engage Pris effectively I have tried to give her enough clues to follow the trail without dissempowering her and everyone one else by doing massive info dumps . If you don't engage the process you don't get enough Potential difference build up to fire the synapses and make the ah ha moments possible.
~~~~~~~
Question: If what you say is true and they can take over people's bodies using Wi Fi , how does that effect ordinary people like me?
Answer: In star Trek nemesis , Riker's body is possessed by Shinzon so he can experience sex with Deanna Troy . That's body snatching in a Nutshell.
What most people dont realize is that its done all the time. A fathers body can be snatched so that he will be made to sleep with his daughter or mother with son . The effects of this abuse are disastrous for family unity and the bonds of trust and love . Often the possessed blame themselves but they will say "I dont know what came over me when I did it". No they dont but they are forced to live with the heartbreak of defiling those most dear to them.
Wi Fi greatly increases the ability of the Cabal to enter people's homes and do this. Its the ultimate weapon because the enemy is inside the gates and the people cannot see it.
This is strongly illustrated in the Film Kingsman. Eggsy's mother nearly kills her own Daughter until the machine is switched off .
The older pre Wi Fi protocols used amongst other things, the drug rohypnol ( derivative anagram of Hypnosis) ,used to smoke Eggsy and his friends at the nightclub.
This common date rape drug completely wipes surface memory leaving the trauma unresolved in the subconscious mind . Wi Fi does the same thing .
Now its also important to understand and make the connections between Wi Fi abuse and the machine . The abuse does not have to take place physically for it effects to be made manifest . If it happens when you are dreaming the humiliation is just as bad and damaging. The machine impersonates loved ones to gain access to your mind . The machine is an industrial mind hacker feeding on pain and shame to control and enslave.
Yes, it's scary stuff. A good question and one I should have addressed and clarified before .
Question; Why do you limit your interaction to Pris and still make the thread open ?
Answer: Firstly because she is smart ,open minded and shrewd . She makes the effort to really listen and follow up. The results of her hard work are there for all to see .She made this thread work far better than I could ever hope to . Its her thread more than mine.
Secondly, because I just dont have the time and energy to engage a whole bunch of people . Its hard work engaging one person . Its also been at times painful because breaking free is hard work. It threatens other people.
Gotta go but there are a few more Q's worth the candle . And that's what I am trying to do here . Light a warm fire in people's hearts, not fear.
BUT you cant pour new wine in old skins. You don't fill a fresh cup with a hole in the bottom . You have to heal , you have to know your enemy and you have to deal with the ignorance that allowed you to be enslaved. Knowledge gives you the strength to do that.
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Question; I had an OBE using pot when I was young . Is that ok to use drugs ?
Answer: When I was very young and stupid I had an OBE smoking pot but at the time I thought I was being eaten by the Sofa . Lmao
Which in itself brings up a very important point. I did not know what was happening so I freaked out.
I think under authentic and experienced supervision drugs can be used effectively but only very cautiously to initiate the first
experiences .
But I do not do drugs and I don't recommend them either. I did it the old fashioned way through research and patient effort . I also had some assistance from my ET family WHEN I WAS READY FOR IT.
You have to be ready for this. You have to be mature enough, mentally stable enough, to cope with entering a whole new world without become a religious nut job or end up in the asylum .
In the Paul Film, Paul knows that a little bit of relaxation smoking pot will help him help Ruth . Religious people are up tight, literally physically up tight . You cannot free your mind from the body prison when you are tense. Relaxation is the major key in OBE.
Many people do drugs to escape but I personally suggest that a healthy balanced diet of organic food and a guilt free love life are the best formula.
Now used responsibly ,alcohol relaxes and reduces inhibition. In moderation with a good meal its a perfectly natural and good thing.
But again , abuse alcohol and you make your self vulnerable, very vulnerable to having your body jacked ,walked in to. Why do so many drinkers come home and beat /rape their partners? Because they are no longer the master of their mind. They are possessed.
Religious organizations fail to instruct their faithful about whats really happening when they sin because they profit from guilt and shame. Its what brings the punters coming back for redemption from their shame. The catholic church is alcoholics unanimous.
OBE is no different to taking a walk in Downtown Chicago. Wander down the wrong block and you can get in serious trouble . So it pays to have your wits about you , in or out of body. Drugs should be no more than an occasional aid in the beginning.
If you have contact with ET's you trust then they can dramatically increase your range of travel and length of time out. So can the planet mothers. Best internet connection in the universe , the mother net . Talk about your information/galactic gossip super highway.
'OOh did you hear what Venus did last week ?'
'She's been cannoodling with Uranus !'
'Who told you that ?'
'Between you me and the asteroid Belt ,the moon ,'
'OOOOOh ,well I never...........'
~~~~~~~~~
Question; I find your attitude to religion offensive and your talk about sexual matters vulgar and infantile ! Where do you get off and why are you so angry about religion ? What makes you think your better than anyone else !?
Answer: Ouch ! well okay fair enough actually .I think the lady who asked me this is genuinely upset and when i thought about it she did make a valid point . My anger .
Lets start with the religion thing . Religion demands you surrender your self to Jesus or Allah or whoever . You turn yourself over to Jesus and make him your personal Savior. You put your faith and trust in him or whoever .
In practice you just gave the Beast/machine permission to hack your mind ! Ordinarily your brain has a guardian to stop that happening .Its called your conscience and gut instinct. It will ring the alarm bells and stop the hack . Disable your virus protection and the devil just walks right in your living room and drags your wife upstairs . Or your husband .
Religion gives the devil permission.
Now in reference to sex . I enjoy it and anyone who says they dont is lying or in denial. But Making love is a far more accurate expression. In fact I often find I have the best OBE's after making love because I am blissfully relaxed.
Sadly far to many people, referring back to my first answer ,suffer from incest Guilt as a result of being hacked/abused etc. So sex is no longer a joyful but shameful thing. My experience suggests to me that at least sixty percent of the human population suffers from this heart breaking state of affairs. Crippled by shame , they withdraw in to their shells and intimacy becomes very difficult. Love ,romance , intimacy etc become a threat . Fear of abandonment ,fear of intimacy , fear of life .
All of which leads these poor people back to the last place they should go for comfort or redemption , the Church or the shrinks couch.
Having watched so many dear friends and lovers destroyed by the above , YES it makes me angry and I know that's not healthy but its there and I do my best to manage it because anger is another way to loose control of your body .
Religion provides excuses for denial of joy , denial of true love and intimacy . Devoid of touch and connection, people become neurotic,angry, prudish and unable to enjoy life without feeling guilty.
Loneliness in a crowd . Loneliness in every aspect of their lives , the countless millions who suffer from incest guilt live lives of quiet desperation and fear. When they do reach out ,they hedge their bets, ashamed of being seen , ashamed of who they think they are .
They crave attention only to reject it when it gets to real. You see it on forums all the time.
~~~~~~~~
Wow. Got a PM from a lady .She wants to remain anonymous so I am just going to paraphrase as best I can what she wrote to me .She did give me permission to share her story so here goes . It choked me up reading it.
Question/comments: I can't say i really like you that much Mr Roller because I think you are kinda rude and up yourself ! (fair enough) But I read what you said about the wi fi and the incest thing and it choked me up because it explains a lot and maybe you are right .
My daddy was a real nice man , kind and gentle . He worked hard and yes we went to church because were we lived pretty much everyone did . One day he came up to my room and I think he had had a bit to drink but not much . He forced himself on me and I was to young to fight back . Next day he could not look at me and I could see he was real ashamed . He did not hug me ever after that , just ignored me .I never saw him smile at me. It hurt so much .
Then he took to drinking more and more and coming to my room when no one else was home. He did not say anything.His face was dead like I did not even recognize he was my daddy . It was him and it wasn't .
When he was dying in the hospital he asked me to come see him. I did not want to. I hated him for what he did and he messed me up real good . But my family pushed me ,said he needed to see me real bad. So I went .
He said he loved me and I cried and he said can you forgive me for what I did and I was angry and confused and wanted to hit him and say go to hell you bastard . He took my hand real gentle and said something like 'I know you aint gonna believe me when I say this but it was the devil , the devil made me do what I did and i could'nt help it'. He cried like I aint never seen a man cry before and I cried too. But I walked out on him and never said I forgave him.
I dont like the way you disrespect church people , they aint all bad folk but some are . May be your right . I see god though in the flowers in my garden and stuff.
Answer: I guess this is the reason why I find posting so hard. I want to share and maybe help some people but its like no one wants to listen really . They just seem to want to run and hide from the truth . Well Mrs H , I am so sorry and I forgive you completely for everything you think about me . Its OK. YOU can give me a hard time anytime because you speak from the heart and I can respect that.
A long time ago when my mentor started telling me about this stuff I did not want to hear it even though I had experienced attempted walk in and possession ! Its funny how we try to block stuff out when it gets to close to home.
They call mindless people Drones don't they ? Well in a very real sense they are . They are not in full possession of themselves.
Now we take drones for granted. Flying drones, hovering remote controlled drones and we think nothing of it. I grew up flying radio controlled planes as a kid . Remote control . Same thing .
More and more I see all around me how easily we are partially or completely remotely controlled. How the system is designed to play us ,string us along and frame us .
There is a great deal I dont feel comfortable sharing .Its personal and its heart breaking and I dont want to turn this thread in to a pity party . I have seen the damage though in so many people now that I can recognize the signs and its gut wrenching .
The last time someone attempted walk in on me they used technology to try and paralyze me first. So i turned on the righteous indignation and fried that sucker until he a was little blue ball of light and fizzed out. You can do that in the Lucid dream/OBE state .
Never surrender to fear because fear is surrender. Put your hand out in front of you and push them away with energy. Be firm, stand your ground and say NO.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Well so much for making a quiet exit.
Got another PM from Mrs H . First I got a dressing down for making fun of her dialect though I dont think she was to upset about it . I like her dialect but anyway .
I then got a brief lecture on manners followed by a nice follow up story about a dream she had . I had to promise to delete her PM after I had read it so I Just read it a few times to make sure I got the jist of it.
She says shortly after she pm'd me the first time she had a dream where she knew she was dreaming and met her father in a beautiful garden . She saw her father approach her slowly. No, I can't do it like this mrs H , im going to paraphrase you again from memory so its your voice . Yes I know I wont get it completely right but your going to have to put up with it . I will do it without the dialect hows that ?
'I saw my father approach me cautiously . He did not say anything but I saw the love and sadness in his eye's and I knew it was him. I felt angry and happy and sad all at the same time . I knew he needed my forgiveness and I had to struggle with it but I put out my arms and held him . I felt all the pain drain out of me like I was ,dont laugh , taking a big number two . We hugged for a long time and then as we stepped back and looked at each other again I saw just love and gratitude . He kind of dissolved in to the garden and I felt him say in my head that he would always be in my garden when I needed him.'
'I woke up and then I started to cry like I have never cried before . It came from deep down inside like I was regurgitating in big heaving sobs. It was overwhelming but it felt so good to let it out and today I am happier than I have been for the longest time.'
'I still think your rude and insensitive etc but I am glad this happened .'
Well Okay , Mrs H . It was actually really nice to hear from you again and good to know at least somebody got something out of this thread . I love gardening too so at least that's something we have in common .
Well I think that's all the follow up im going to do . I was not planning to but it needed to be done. I dont know if Pris wants to do anymore here . You can all go ahead and take a big dump here now as far as I am concerned because funnily enough that's what this thread is about . Using OBE/lucidity to deal with your sh1t.
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Okay Mrs H. One last time and then enough with the questions please. I am not going to reply in a private PM because I know what happens when people take me out of context so im putting it here for the record.
Im not saying people who go to church are all evil . I think the church as an institution is though . Yes i did used to go to church sometimes but its not the same where I grew up. Church Of England is really layed back and you dont get that hardcore sermonizing you may be used to in the US . Europe does not tend to be as in your face about Jesus .
Yes i can see there is virtue in some of what Jesus taught and I get that but you know the most dangerous poisons are usually disguised with plenty of sweetener so you will swallow it.
Yes I know Bach did a lot of beautiful stuff about the passion of christ . The mathew passion just happens to be one of my favorite pieces of music . I know that seems hypocritical to you but what can I say ? maybe the music transcends the crazy stuff and that's good .
I think its great that you were able to open up to someone privately and share anonymously your experience here . It helped you heal ,that's the important thing . I know many people who took thirty/ forty years to even talk about or admit they went through what you did.
Its not unusual , its extremely common ,what you went through . Many abused people get the twisted notion that their abuse makes them 'special' . Its a compensation that twists their mind . There is nothing special about it.
I could spend hours writing up about all the women I have known personally who have been abused but its to painful . But so that you know how it affects the person ,this is what I know from my personal experience with this.
Often the victim projects their abuse on to 'someone they know' ie their sister so that they can talk about their pain through a proxy . Its like the guy who goes to the doctor and says "I have this friend Doc who does not want to to see you personally SO I came here on his behalf......"
Symptoms vary a lot . Different women I have known have all coped in various ways . I think it depends a lot on their personality type and upbringing .
One eg . Daughter of a CIA agent . Went promiscuous and self destructive. Hard drinking ,partying etc. Another friend ,quite the opposite. Withdrew deeply and avoided any kind of intimacy . Both very attractive girls but self esteem was really low .
The other thing I notice is a tendency to pull you in and push you away ,constantly shifting the goal posts to test you then extreme mood swings from happy and full of fun to moody ,cranky and withdrawn . The hard part is getting abused women to stabilize long enough to work through the pain in a healthy way.
Yes I know there are a lot of lousy guys out there but you know that's another tendency you see in abused women. They punish themselves because they blame themselves for what happened and end up going out with losers. Sorry to put it bluntly but its a pattern you see over and over again . Often the guy is a father substitute and they figure they can redeem the father by proxy . There is no sound logic in it but its very typical . OR they pick guys who are Mummy's boys. Safe ,non threatening and rather lame.
Its not about me judging you or them. Im saying objectively and hopefully impartially , this is how the abuse affects them . The trouble is that there is no one to support them when they do come out and tell the truth . Usually the opposite happens . That's when you realize how sick the social system is. It exists to exploit and harness the pain of victims not help them.
But its not just the women being abused and this I think will help you understand . Many men are abused as boys too by their mothers . The trouble is though that sexual abuse by mothers is much harder to detect and see because its more accepted for mothers to demonstrate affection without anyone noticing anything untoward . Yes ,I have known many guys who suffered the results of this kind of thing . It affects men a bit differently though . Often it artificially boosts their self esteem , not destroy it. But mothers boys are bad news usually . Unable to have healthy relationships with other women they tend to reduce their wives to housekeepers.
You get this kind of stagnant superficial relationship where there is no real love and warmth. Its very common . Often the guy ends up becoming Bisexual to avoid the shame he associates with being intimate with a mother substitute !
Yes its crazy , what can I say ? Most important thing is forgive your self. Its not your fault. The child always blames themselves because they think 'I must have done something wrong to be treated like this' .NO ,you did nothing wrong .
At least you had the courage to see that your fathers behaviour was actually wrong but then of course its not that easy either . Was it him or was he under someone else's control ?
Some abusers do know exactly what they are doing . I think the research suggests only about ten percent of the population is capable of overt abuse without conscience. Psychopath in other words .
Psychological abuse can be just as damaging as physical ,even more so . All i can say is what I believe to be true and I try to put it in to practice every day with my daughter. Lots of love and laughter and family group hugs . I told my daughter as soon as she was old enough to understand about not letting anyone, including daddy, touch her private places . I went further and told her in no uncertain terms how to kick in the balls, any guy that tried it ! So she did one day at school with a boy who pushed his luck .
Education and teaching kids early about the realities of the world is the best protection.
My daughter has got wise to religion early so she is much safer than the kids who get brainwashed . Sorry but that's how I feel.
There are parents who will sabotage other parents kids or put them in harms way .Seen that a few times . I dont trust most people further than I can kick them .Sad but true.
The thing that hurts the most though is believing you are unloved and unlovable because you are unworthy or a slut or some other horrible label that gets attached to you . Everyone deserves and needs to know they are loved . That they are beautiful.
Religion talks love but actually steals it ,rapes it and twists it. That's my experience anyway.
I know you think I am a scallywag but im not really . I am an old fashioned romantic at heart. Everyone is if they were allowed to be I think. But you know most guys, if you enjoy holding hands with a girl will make out your soft or 'gay' ! Its rubbish but that's how mothers boys try to look tough.
I have to go . You get out there and love the rest of your life Mrs H . I hope you find the love you deserve.
We've missed you. 
