The way this cat looks, is as if it already devours the mouse
Willow tree showing its agility in strong gales, it's a typical Dutch tree
+5
orthodoxymoron
Carol
Brook
Sanicle
mudra
9 posters
Humour
B.B.Baghor- Posts : 1851
Join date : 2014-01-31
Age : 73
Location : Druid county UK
The way this cat looks, is as if it already devours the mouse
Willow tree showing its agility in strong gales, it's a typical Dutch tree
B.B.Baghor- Posts : 1851
Join date : 2014-01-31
Age : 73
Location : Druid county UK
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ReBPdrtXQ5s
For those of you who enjoy The Three Stooges, antics in amazing acrobatic skills at times
For those of you who enjoy The Three Stooges, antics in amazing acrobatic skills at times
Carol- Admin
- Posts : 31674
Join date : 2010-04-07
Location : Hawaii
Goose Hunting
Ole was hunting geese up in the Minnesota woods. He leaned the old 16 gauge
against the corner of the blind to take a leak.
As luck would have it, his foolish dog, Dawson knocked the gun over, it went
off and Ole took most of an ounce of #4 shot in the groin.
Several hours later, lying in a Duluth hospital bed, he came to and there
was his doctor, Sven.
"Vell, Ole, I got some good news and some bad news.
Da good news is dat you are going to be OK. Da damage vas local to your
groin, dere was very little internal damage, and I vas able to remove all of da birdshot."
"What's the bad news?" asks Ole.
"The bad news is dat dere vas some pretty extensive birdshot damage done to
your pecker. I'm going to have to refer you to my sister, Lena."
"Well, I guess that isn't too bad," says Ole. "Is your sister a plastic surgeon?"
"Not exactly," Sven says. "She's a flute player in da Minneapolis Symphony
Orchestra. And because all you have is Obamacare, she's going to teach you
vhere to put your fingers, so you don't pee in your eye."
Ole was hunting geese up in the Minnesota woods. He leaned the old 16 gauge
against the corner of the blind to take a leak.
As luck would have it, his foolish dog, Dawson knocked the gun over, it went
off and Ole took most of an ounce of #4 shot in the groin.
Several hours later, lying in a Duluth hospital bed, he came to and there
was his doctor, Sven.
"Vell, Ole, I got some good news and some bad news.
Da good news is dat you are going to be OK. Da damage vas local to your
groin, dere was very little internal damage, and I vas able to remove all of da birdshot."
"What's the bad news?" asks Ole.
"The bad news is dat dere vas some pretty extensive birdshot damage done to
your pecker. I'm going to have to refer you to my sister, Lena."
"Well, I guess that isn't too bad," says Ole. "Is your sister a plastic surgeon?"
"Not exactly," Sven says. "She's a flute player in da Minneapolis Symphony
Orchestra. And because all you have is Obamacare, she's going to teach you
vhere to put your fingers, so you don't pee in your eye."
_________________
What is life?
It is the flash of a firefly in the night, the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime. It is the little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset.
With deepest respect ~ Aloha & Mahalo, Carol
Carol- Admin
- Posts : 31674
Join date : 2010-04-07
Location : Hawaii
Flawless Male Logic
Woman: Do you drink beer?
Man: Yes.
Woman: How many beers a day?
Man: Usually about three.
Woman: How much do you pay per beer?
Man: $5.00 which includes a tip.
(This is where it gets scary !)
Woman: And how long have you been drinking?
Man: About 20 years, I suppose.
Woman: So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5400 …correct?
Man: Correct.
Woman: If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past 20 years puts your spending at $108,000, correct?
Man: Correct.
Woman: Do you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a new Ferrari?
Man: Do you drink beer?
Woman: No.
Man: Where's your Ferrari?
Woman: Do you drink beer?
Man: Yes.
Woman: How many beers a day?
Man: Usually about three.
Woman: How much do you pay per beer?
Man: $5.00 which includes a tip.
(This is where it gets scary !)
Woman: And how long have you been drinking?
Man: About 20 years, I suppose.
Woman: So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5400 …correct?
Man: Correct.
Woman: If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past 20 years puts your spending at $108,000, correct?
Man: Correct.
Woman: Do you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a new Ferrari?
Man: Do you drink beer?
Woman: No.
Man: Where's your Ferrari?
_________________
What is life?
It is the flash of a firefly in the night, the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime. It is the little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset.
With deepest respect ~ Aloha & Mahalo, Carol
B.B.Baghor- Posts : 1851
Join date : 2014-01-31
Age : 73
Location : Druid county UK
Sea.... see through the bottom boat, smart invention, huhhhhh?
mudra- Posts : 23207
Join date : 2010-04-09
Age : 69
Location : belgium
Carol- Admin
- Posts : 31674
Join date : 2010-04-07
Location : Hawaii
Loved the boat B.B.. It could go with the plastic bottle island this bloke made.
Are you married ?
After nearly 50 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband, begin to massage her in ways he hadn't in quite some time.
It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back. He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down, stopping just over her stomach.
He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, working down her side, passing gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf.
Then, he proceeded up her thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent.
As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice,
"Honey, that was wonderful. Why did you stop?"
To which he responded:
"I found the remote."
Are you married ?
After nearly 50 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband, begin to massage her in ways he hadn't in quite some time.
It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back. He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down, stopping just over her stomach.
He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, working down her side, passing gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf.
Then, he proceeded up her thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent.
As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice,
"Honey, that was wonderful. Why did you stop?"
To which he responded:
"I found the remote."
_________________
What is life?
It is the flash of a firefly in the night, the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime. It is the little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset.
With deepest respect ~ Aloha & Mahalo, Carol
B.B.Baghor- Posts : 1851
Join date : 2014-01-31
Age : 73
Location : Druid county UK
Great video, Carol, thank you! What an original and cool idea, pun intended. Floating and a life on a dancing floor.
And that man's language accent
A plastic island...... growing all kind of natural things on it."Like a lasagna......" 
And that man's language accent
A plastic island...... growing all kind of natural things on it."Like a lasagna......"
Carol- Admin
- Posts : 31674
Join date : 2010-04-07
Location : Hawaii
The attached is from The MENSA Invitational Competition, as recently printed in the Washington Post. Herein, readers are invited to take 'Any English Word' from their dictionary, alter it by Adding, Subtracting, or ... Changing ONLY ONE LETTER, and then supplying a NEW DEFINITION. Following below are this year's Winners
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and an Xxxxxxx.
3. Intaxicaton : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid
7. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
8. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. ( This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido : All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect : The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and
cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and an Xxxxxxx.
3. Intaxicaton : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid
7. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
8. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. ( This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido : All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect : The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and
cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
_________________
What is life?
It is the flash of a firefly in the night, the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime. It is the little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset.
With deepest respect ~ Aloha & Mahalo, Carol
Carol- Admin
- Posts : 31674
Join date : 2010-04-07
Location : Hawaii
Yesterday my daughter e-mailed me again, asking why I didn't do something useful with my time.
“Like sitting around the pool and drinking wine is not a good thing?” I asked.
Talking about my "doing-something-useful" seems to be her favorite topic of conversation.
She was "only thinking of me", she said and suggested that I go down to the Senior Center and hang out with the gals.
I did this and when I got home last night, I decided to play a prank on her.
I e-mailed her and told her that I had joined a Parachute Club.
She replied, "Are you nuts? You are 78 years old and now you're going to start jumping out of airplanes?"
I told her that I even got a Membership Card and e-mailed a copy to her.
She immediately telephoned me and yelled, "Good grief, Mom, where are your glasses?!
This is a Membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club."
"Oh man, I'm in trouble again,” I said, “I really don't know what to do. I signed up for five jumps a week!!"
The line went quiet and her friend picked up the phone and said that my daughter had fainted.
Life as a Senior Citizen is not getting any easier, but sometimes it can be ever so much fun.
“Like sitting around the pool and drinking wine is not a good thing?” I asked.
Talking about my "doing-something-useful" seems to be her favorite topic of conversation.
She was "only thinking of me", she said and suggested that I go down to the Senior Center and hang out with the gals.
I did this and when I got home last night, I decided to play a prank on her.
I e-mailed her and told her that I had joined a Parachute Club.
She replied, "Are you nuts? You are 78 years old and now you're going to start jumping out of airplanes?"
I told her that I even got a Membership Card and e-mailed a copy to her.
She immediately telephoned me and yelled, "Good grief, Mom, where are your glasses?!
This is a Membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club."
"Oh man, I'm in trouble again,” I said, “I really don't know what to do. I signed up for five jumps a week!!"
The line went quiet and her friend picked up the phone and said that my daughter had fainted.
Life as a Senior Citizen is not getting any easier, but sometimes it can be ever so much fun.
_________________
What is life?
It is the flash of a firefly in the night, the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime. It is the little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset.
With deepest respect ~ Aloha & Mahalo, Carol
B.B.Baghor- Posts : 1851
Join date : 2014-01-31
Age : 73
Location : Druid county UK
Thanks a bunch for this, Carol 
mudra- Posts : 23207
Join date : 2010-04-09
Age : 69
Location : belgium
HITLER FINDS OUT THE ROADMAP IS NOT WORKING
https://www.bitchute.com/video/GB2t5EWC67wr/
THEeXchanger- Posts : 5352
Join date : 2011-06-04
Location : My own little heaven on earth
post #111 + 1 
THEeXchanger- Posts : 5352
Join date : 2011-06-04
Location : My own little heaven on earth
A couple, both age 78, went to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"
The man said, "Will you watch us have sex?"
The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.
When the couple finished, the doctor said,
"There's nothing wrong with the way you have sex,"
and charged them ＄50.
This happened several weeks in a row.
The couple would make an appointment,
have sex with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave.
Finally, the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"
"We're not trying to find out anything," the husband replied.
"She's married and we can't go to her house.
I'm married and we can't go to my house.
The Holiday Inn charges ＄90.
The Hilton charges ＄108.
We do it here for ＄50...
and I get ＄43 back from Medicare
mudra- Posts : 23207
Join date : 2010-04-09
Age : 69
Location : belgium
Most talented kid on earth
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/J9sjb3fSCz4?feature=share
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/J9sjb3fSCz4?feature=share
THEeXchanger- Posts : 5352
Join date : 2011-06-04
Location : My own little heaven on earth