How has everyone been doing lately ?

We are Taking Already Off
And many thanks to such a happy photo
Your Smile made our Conversation like worth everyone watching by uploading and sharing Owlsdenlight

Thank you we are you.

Something for you.

"Time to Relax"...

Thank you Carol ... I knew you'd like them

Time to Relax is delightful. Just what I need to listen to while falling asleep.

Now the space ship lenticular clouds are something else again.

I can only imagine how pretty Carol's place must be; she is always decorating this place so nicely...she seems to have a good eye...

Simplicity wrote:Nah...actually it's kind of jarring.

But I like your description much better

(Does it mean I'm being harrassed by scary creatures that like to watch me jump?)

It's difficult to describe, but it's almost like you meet it half way...in a daydream...spaced out...
and (from this point is all seen in hindsight) you felt yourself fading back in a particular direction
and the voice was already talking and you catch a couple of clear syllables or entire words, before you recognize it as a thing...this then jerks you back to waking life, to driving up the road, or washing dishes....

Yes? No?

Also, are you getting any MEANING out what you are percieving?

when you say "addressing you"...what sort of feeling is this giving you?

Igot cut my job which i like down to500euro
this little money will not suport me and iam too old to change the job i will not get another one
sometimes iam so tired i don t want to fight anymore and i lose the faith that all will change for better


by the way it is getting worse
all the best sabina

sabina wrote:Igot cut my job which i like down to500euro
this little money will not suport me and iam too old to change the job i will not get another one
sometimes iam so tired i don t want to fight anymore and i lose the faith that all will change for better

by the way it is getting worse
all the best sabina

I hope things do get better for you sabina. Things continue to get worse for me too. I am so tired that I can't seem to think straight. Worrying about the state of the world is destroying me, and I hesitate to wake people up if our situation is as bad as it seems to be. I am trying really hard to stop posting, and to just practice what I have been passively preaching. I am trying to make my threads into a virtual home for myself, just to see if there is some validity to all of it, or not. Maybe you can find a part-time job to supplement your current one. Hang in there. I think a lot of us are at the end of our rope...

for you Sabina. Sounds like a horrible position to be in. I truly hope the prayers you are no doubt sending will be answered for you and you haven't lost faith that you will be taken care of.

And of course for you too Oxy in your constant battle.

Sabina and Oxy, I'm so sorry about what is going on with each of you and Sabina, 500 Euro is not the best.

I can think of several ways to create a change - options. Oftentimes it's too easy to feel trapped when one is tired and discouraged yet even this can be an incentive to examine alternatives in a lifestyle change. There are always folks looking for someone to help them with something and willing to pay for it. It's just a matter of sorting out what your talents are, what you enjoy doing and connecting up with those who can help create a new reality.

Positions available.

Caretakers for:

children
tutor
teacher
gardens (gardener)
yards (caring for yards for people on vacation or on a more regular basis)
elderly
those who are home bound
pets (including dog walkers or caring for a pet when owner is absent on vacation)
houses (house sitters)
drivers for those who can't get around
the blind
the disabled
house keeper
window washers
au père (living in someone else's home and caring for the children)
cooks
travel tour guide (when we went to Glastonbury this one person picked us up in his car and drove us all around giving us all the highlights of the area - it was great)
researchers
accounting
a companion
greeters
hospice
delivering food to homes (I know one person who bought produce at a good rate and then had standing orders for people who didn't have the time to shop so she did their shopping for them and delivered the food to their homes.)
I had another friend who would make food (cater it to the individual) and deliver it to them or go and cook the meal in their homes

and this list goes on.

Sometimes it helps to think about what you enjoyed doing when younger (for instance singing in the school or church choir, or playing a musical instrument, art) and bring that back into your life. The main point is to keep in mind that the list of alternatives is endless and it helps to have an open mind while exploring different possibilities with respect to what you can do, what you are willing to do, and what you want to learn to do. Think about the environment you enjoy being in. Inside or outside? A bit of both? Around people? With children? Helping the disabled? Around animals? Being in new environments?

Sometimes it's as simple as changing one's living situation and downsizing or renting a room from somebody. I knew one group of friends who pooled their money together and rented a very nice place to live in, while other family and firends just rented a room in someone else's house. One time I rented rooms out in my house when I was single and poor.

Take time to sit down and list all the things you can do and/or would like to do. Think about the what ifs.

I know this can be difficult when one is feeling overwhelmed and depressed, yet if one truly accepts that all things are possible then the inner self will seek new avenues of exploration to experience.

For example, I once read this book by this older woman who was very depressed. She decided to make a trip around the world with a back-pack. She had very little money so she had to plan carefully on how to do this. The book she wrote was the story of her journey. Basically she re-invented herself, traveled the world on next to nothing and met the most interesting people. I thought that type of trip took tremendous courage and wondered if I would have the guts to do something like this. I just don't know.

However, my latest project is being a bee keeper. I'm not very good but I love the bees and have to work through a different type of fear. Today I have to try and tackle a swarm and save my other hive from an infestation. I must say the lessons are hard yet very rewarding. And even though I have a garden I'm not the best gardener and have my failures on a regular basis. Yet with each failure, I learn something new.

With the bees, I kind of enjoy the challenge of getting the smoker going and zipping up in by suit to go out and be with the bees. Unfortunately, Sunday when we were adding the super (the box on top of the nuc box) only my husband had a suit on (as I only have one). I was too close and had some bees get in my hair. Not the most pleasant experience and I did get stung. Next time I will wear a shower cap if need be until the new head gear arrives. The key is not to give up. And even in the face of fear, discomfort, danger and pain - it's important to keep going. My bees need me to learn how to keep them safe while I also am learning how to keep myself safe as well. I share this story because I believe we all need challenges in our lives to feel alive and to engage with what life has to offer.

And just for general knowledge, my husband wished I had never gotten interested in having bees. Between the 30 chickens, two ducks, four cats, one dog, goat and mini horses - the bees were more then what he wanted to be helping me with. Meanwhile, I have visions of honey and beeswax candles. Which of course means I have to learn how to make the candles as well.

sabina wrote:Igot cut my job which i like down to500euro
this little money will not suport me and iam too old to change the job i will not get another one
sometimes iam so tired i don t want to fight anymore and i lose the faith that all will change for better


by the way it is getting worse
all the best sabina

i want to hug you sabina. hang in there. all things must pass.
just remember you are loved.

One of my favorite quotes:

"If you find yourself going through hell, keep going!"

Winston Churchill

sabina wrote:Igot cut my job which i like down to500euro
this little money will not suport me and iam too old to change the job i will not get another one
sometimes iam so tired i don t want to fight anymore and i lose the faith that all will change for better


by the way it is getting worse
all the best sabina

It's the new drill by 'The Job Creators': Either they cut salaries or they fire & re-hire people, paying half the salary they used to - for double shifts

Thanks alot for your nice responds. Trancoso you are 100 % right the best thing in this game is they fire and rehire for half salery and double shifts.
They know the ecnomic debacle now they want to create fear in the people loosing jobs money etc.well ihave to become
creative to find another way to make some money.
thanks alot for your nice ideas carol it gives me courage to do something, and of course i don t give up and i will find maybe a better job even in this job crises.
Again thaks alot my friends you lifted me up when i was feeling down
All the bests Sabina

Dear Sabina ,

The challenges we face in our lives finally amount to the same always :
the contemplation of the bottle that is half full or half empty.
Our personnalities will tend to make us look at the " lacking part "of the experience
while Heart and Spirit will look at what is there and be gratefull for it .
Being gratefull keeps the energy going , keeps the love going , keeps a smile on
our face that eats up our tears , it keeps a light within , some sort of lantern we can
guide ourselves with and that others can notice, it keeps us alive and allows for miracles
to take place .
I have been hungry this year as my business was slowing down . But that was nothing compared
to what I have to go through at the moment.
What I mean is that challenges will always be there : turn around and look at the many you have
faced and overcame in this life. This present challenge will pass as did all the others .
They are sometimes opportunities to give our lives a deeper meaning .

Surrounding you with Love

mudra

hi Mudra
first I want to thank you for your wise words.
this difficulties in the job hit me so strong because I like my job,but i always have to battle with nice jealous
colleagues.
first iam looking at myself what I did wrong but sometimes ....
Iam feeling sad to hear that your buisness went down ....
seems alot of us are facing the same economic challenge ....
we have to overcome the fear loosing jobs buisness etc....
but this is easy said ..... we have to pay the bills every month..
so we have to look for new opportunities...
like carols ideas
All the best and
sabina

Thank you for your loving words Sabina .
There is a road that's never bumpy , that is shining and bright always...
the One where we are holding Hearts and know that by doing so our prayers
are already answered and Spirit Love is taking care of it all .
May miracles come your way and completely turn the course of events.
I see not a single good reason why you should be unhappy .

Much Love for You sister



mudra

Love to all. My gawd...it's just almost too much, isn't it?

Clarification: nobody calling my name. Turns out it keeps happening in Safeway parking lot. Someone has been calling for a courtesy clerk with the same name.

Another apocalyptic mystery solved.

My heart is breaking for Merc, and I don't know what to say.

Gregg is in the major armpit of California (Imperial Valley) for a week. BOO!!!!!!!!

The major depression has lifted. I was sobbing so hard that it woke my sister up. Gotta love her. She just held me and rocked me until I stopped (just like when I was an infant and she was a teen).

Much gratitude for the sacred-mother energy in the world, or we would have been goners a long time ago.

The Bowflex is killing me, but other people are already seeing results. I am not trying to promote corporate BS, but I gotta say when they tell you their machine gives you faster gains, they are not kidding. I am truly impressed.

Never did go to Monterey, and have not left the house in a while. Don't feel like doing so anytime soon. Gregg has the car (my roaring 4-cylinder cruiser--lol), and I am also in the middle of nowhere.

I am going to look for a mini-trampoline so I can dance my socks off to Donna without tearing something and being in pain for 6 months. Actually it took a year to recover from the injury dancing for Maxine Nightengale ("Back where we started from"). You really have to double-time it to dance to that song. If it weren't for me, none of those white boys would have had any rhythm. Of course, they could still walk without limping after the show was over. :op

Thanks for the session. I will make my next appointment with the receptionist on my way out.

Happy to see you keep that wonderful sense of humour of your's no matter what Troy lol.

Sanicle wrote:Happy to see you keep that wonderful sense of humour of your's no matter what Troy lol.

I can thank my mother for that, too. :)

Any time I want to see her, I just look in the mirror. People say it is scary just how much I have the mannerisms and demeanor of my mom.

My dad, on the other hand, is a bit thick. He's a good old boy from a Texas farm, but when he was 19 and left for the Navy, his parents asked him what it was like in San Diego, with the mermaids. They were not kidding. They were southern baptist's and thought there were mermaids just waiting to tempt young men to their deaths in California.


AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!

Ahh Troy, I can so relate given some of my work history and having worked for the boss from Hades. And then some Board members from Hades.

During that period I just wanted to stay in our home (which was a mountain top near Yosemite) and never leave. Sometimes doing the work out in the world is a bit much especially when under attack. Recovery from burnout generally takes at least 3 - 6 months unless you're on the accelerated therapy program which includes Roshi neuro-biofeedback, massage therapy, music, hanging out in nature with long walks or hikes - or even hanging out next to the ocean. Don't forget the journal dialogue writing. This really helps to purge some of those more negative feelings.

The grief process is difficult because of the emotional roller coaster ride. I generally suggest keeping boxes of kleenex all over the house and in the car.


These days I'm feeling a bit over-whelmed myself. I did sit down and write out the Christmas list, purchased the Xmas cards for nieces and nephews, bought a few Xmas gifts as I will not be going to the malls, the list is short and everything else I can order on-line. This will be the first year without my mum. Her Birthday is coming up too and I do miss her.

We're still dealing with my dysfunctional elder brother and have lost thousands of dollars on the stock market just since last July. We decided to cash out before we lose more - or at least while there is still something in there. Our property lost 50% of its value. At least the bills are paid. I did pick up a few items for Thanksgiving tomorrow and am looking forward to sitting down and just enjoying a traditional dinner with our tiny family here.

My bees were under attack by these small round flying black beetles so I've been switching out frames in the hive and using pans filled with vegetable oil on the bottom to catch and drown the little beasties which need to be drained and cleaned out every couple of days. I also had a swarm which I was unable to save by getting them into the new hive nuc box. I was working with that little swarm for three days using the smoker and attempting to brush the off the tree into their new home. That was depressing as a nuc with a queen and bees is worth $250. Then I also had to deal with the cockroaches that were ready to infest and had gotten into the supra (top box to the hive) that I hadn't put on yet. These days my life is about insects (including the elder brother),

Since it poured last night all the new marigold plants that I put in the outdoor bath tub are likely to be floating around along with a couple of berry plants. Reinhard did manage to move one of the roosters and hen into a new chicken tractor last night while it was pouring and even went and fed goat and the horses. He is such a pure heart and trooper.

Never in all the days of my life did I ever think I would be a beekeeper at this phase of my life but the fruit trees need to be pollenated as does the garden. Now there are visions of honey, candles, soap and mead wine.... someday, if I ever learn how to keep the little beasties away from the hive.

Carol wrote:Ahh Troy, I can so relate given some of my work history and having worked for the boss from Hades. And then some Board members from Hades.

During that period I just wanted to stay in our home (which was a mountain top near Yosemite) and never leave. Sometimes doing the work out in the world is a bit much especially when under attack. Recovery from burnout generally takes at least 3 - 6 months unless you're on the accelerated therapy program which includes Roshi neuro-biofeedback, massage therapy, music, hanging out in nature with long walks or hikes - or even hanging out next to the ocean. Don't forget the journal dialogue writing. This really helps to purge some of those more negative feelings.

The grief process is difficult because of the emotional roller coaster ride. I generally suggest keeping boxes of kleenex all over the house and in the car.


These days I'm feeling a bit over-whelmed myself. I did sit down and write out the Christmas list, purchased the Xmas cards for nieces and nephews, bought a few Xmas gifts as I will not be going to the malls, the list is short and everything else I can order on-line. This will be the first year without my mum. Her Birthday is coming up too and I do miss her.

We're still dealing with my dysfunctional elder brother and have lost thousands of dollars on the stock market just since last July. We decided to cash out before we lose more - or at least while there is still something in there. Our property lost 50% of its value. At least the bills are paid. I did pick up a few items for Thanksgiving tomorrow and am looking forward to sitting down and just enjoying a traditional dinner with our tiny family here.

My bees were under attack by these small round flying black beetles so I've been switching out frames in the hive and using pans filled with vegetable oil on the bottom to catch and drown the little beasties which need to be drained and cleaned out every couple of days. I also had a swarm which I was unable to save by getting them into the new hive nuc box. I was working with that little swarm for three days using the smoker and attempting to brush the off the tree into their new home. That was depressing as a nuc with a queen and bees is worth $250. Then I also had to deal with the cockroaches that were ready to infest and had gotten into the supra (top box to the hive) that I hadn't put on yet. These days my life is about insects (including the elder brother),

Since it poured last night all the new marigold plants that I put in the outdoor bath tub are likely to be floating around along with a couple of berry plants. Reinhard did manage to move one of the roosters and hen into a new chicken tractor last night while it was pouring and even went and fed goat and the horses. He is such a pure heart and trooper.

Never in all the days of my life did I ever think I would be a beekeeper at this phase of my life but the fruit trees need to be pollenated as does the garden. Now there are visions of honey, candles, soap and mead wine.... someday, if I ever learn how to keep the little beasties away from the hive.

Thanks, Carol. I enjoy hearing about your life and projects, and I am always honored by your thoughtful writings.

I love bees wax candles! yummy No smoke when ya snuff them out.

Yosemite? Ooooooooh!!!!!!!!! That's what I need...

After throwing more than one fit (I am not proud of it) via the phone with Gregg, I think I finally got his attention, regarding my need to take care of myself. We have said goodbye to each other for extended periods 5 times in the last 6 months. I gave an ultimatum: all or nothing.

He is still going for all. He told me this morning, "Less than a week, and no more goodbyes".

It's hard for his mostly straight brain to grasp why another man could be so emotional over just a week apart, but keeps saying, "It is time to take care of my Troy".

:)

I assured him that I believed him. And added, "I have your identity".

He said, "I know; that alone should prove to you how much I care".

I clarified/reminded him that he gave me full access to his Facebook account, and that when he arrived at his destination to at least pretend that he really wrote the message to me that he would make it up. I thought it might fluster him a bit, but he said he doesn't care about computers and wants to get rid of that account.

His default pic was temporarily changed to a red devil (he was known as el diablo down there). This morning he said, "Oh wow, that is really going to piss off my sister, because she is really religious." I said, "I know. That is why I did it".

'Twas just a shot across the bow to let his family know in advance that I am not in the manure business.

Anyhow Carol, when he gets back, we are going to go for a trip to a nice forest/ocean/both. Indeed, he wants to work things out so that I do not have to work again. That is very sweet, but after working so many years I know I would go absolutely crazy. Then again, one good book would pay off my student loans (100K plus; in deferment for 11 years).

Oh: my [former] clients have been in touch with me several times. I am missed, and former coworkers want to take this to the BOD. I have asked them just to let it go.

I went a made this all about me, as usual. I need to learn how to be more supportive. Gregg is coming out to his family this week. His dad was a marine, his brother was a marine, he was a marine...2 religious siblings...

OY!

Troy, time to cut Gregg some slack and trust him. He made a huge shift in his life to be with you and that says everything right there. And you do know just how fragile new relationships are. It's best not to keep pulling the plant out of the ground to see if the roots are growing. If you don't mind a suggestion - do journal writing. Lots and lots of it because there are multiple issues now going on in your life (of which Gregg is just one). No need to emotionally drag him into your unfinished business with the work situation and what it means to be cut off cold-turkey from clients. When I was cut off cold turkey from the kids I was working with it just devastated me because I couldn't even go back and tell them what happened. This was because of the boss from hell wanted me to falsify fiscal reports (which of course I would not do as this was state money I was responsible for) and led to my leaving as he was into the whole power trip thingy.

Needless to say there were multiple issues at that work situation. I loved my job and knew my boss was crazy (all those years of being a pot smoker and using drugs left him paranoid and a bit brain damaged). However, since he was an M.D. and excelled at confabulation, I didn't stand a chance as he was backed by a corrupt Board of Supervisors. Needless to say all of that ugliness led to us ending up living in Hawaii which isn't to shabby considering the alternative. And we also went through a bankruptcy, fighting it all as well - so I suggest you look at this as an opportunity Troy. Do your grieving, get creative by writing, doing art of some sort, make music... vent your emotions in a healthy way and don't do the drama queen/king by making ultimatums with your emotional support system because its difficult enough on them just being there for you and watching you go through all of this. You can do this. Going though these emotions are a bit of an emotional roller coaster ride but at least you have access to your feelings and aren't numb. Most men's identity is tied up with their job. Think of it as an identity crisis. The facade is dropping away allowing you to become more of who you really are. All of what you are experiencing is the drama, the whirlwind of emotions... yet at the center of each tornado is the eye of calm. This is your journey back to your true self - that eye of calm and serenity. Be at peace Troy. You're journey is just beginning and keep in mind that the other side of fear is excitement.

Carol wrote:Troy, time to cut Gregg some slack and trust him. He made a huge shift in his life to be with you and that says everything right there. And you do know just how fragile new relationships are. It's best not to keep pulling the plant out of the ground to see if the roots are growing. If you don't mind a suggestion - do journal writing. Lots and lots of it because there are multiple issues now going on in your life (of which Gregg is just one). No need to emotionally drag him into your unfinished business with the work situation and what it means to be cut off cold-turkey from clients. When I was cut off cold turkey from the kids I was working with it just devastated me because I couldn't even go back and tell them what happened. This was because of the boss from hell wanted me to falsify fiscal reports (which of course I would not do as this was state money I was responsible for) and led to my leaving as he was into the whole power trip thingy.

Needless to say there were multiple issues at that work situation. I loved my job and knew my boss was crazy (all those years of being a pot smoker and using drugs left him paranoid and a bit brain damaged). However, since he was an M.D. and excelled at confabulation, I didn't stand a chance as he was backed by a corrupt Board of Supervisors. Needless to say all of that ugliness led to us ending up living in Hawaii which isn't to shabby considering the alternative. And we also went through a bankruptcy, fighting it all as well - so I suggest you look at this as an opportunity Troy. Do your grieving, get creative by writing, doing art of some sort, make music... vent your emotions in a healthy way and don't do the drama queen/king by making ultimatums with your emotional support system because its difficult enough on them just being there for you and watching you go through all of this. You can do this. Going though these emotions are a bit of an emotional roller coaster ride but at least you have access to your feelings and aren't numb. Most men's identity is tied up with their job. Think of it as an identity crisis. The facade is dropping away allowing you to become more of who you really are. All of what you are experiencing is the drama, the whirlwind of emotions... yet at the center of each tornado is the eye of calm. This is your journey back to your true self - that eye of calm and serenity. Be at peace Troy. You're journey is just beginning and keep in mind that the other side of fear is excitement.

Yes, after Gregg realized he wanted a divorce and left his wife, he looked me up a couple of months later. So, he did go out of his way to find me.

He is with his mom and safe, and that is the primary thing. It's the worrying about people's safety that makes me crazy. Well, that and the fact that I have known him since he was a kid, and I know what a bad boy he can be. :op

Good advice, nonetheless.

I understand the difference between conditional and unconditional love in theory, but putting it into practice is another matter.

The journaling is an excellent idea.

And as much as I sound like a B****, I could write a few chapters just on the crazy stuff he has put me through over the decades.


Good advice as always. I appreciate the candor.

:)

Precious Carol -

I just had the most amazing phone call with Gregg. I shared your thoughts with him. While he does agree to a certain extent, he still insists there are some things he needs to work on.

It was one of the best conversations we have had, and it was full of laughing and love.

To all: I can feel the love. Thank you.

Carol, you are an angel (and not the ancient alien variety, either).




P.S.: Time to dance! I have a virgin stereo that took forever to figure out, so time to give it a test run (I love being in the middle of a field without close neighbors!).

pps: I have been teaching Gregg how to do better with rescuing spider and other critters. They have started coming to him now, too. He could not rescue some flying critter the other day, so I showed him how to speak soft and gentle, and the little thing just climb right on until I was outside, and it flew away.

peace