Love Always
mudra
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51 posters
Humour
mudra- Posts : 23285
Join date : 2010-04-09
Age : 69
Location : belgium
Love Always
mudra
mudra- Posts : 23285
Join date : 2010-04-09
Age : 69
Location : belgium
Serious photography:lmfao:
Love Always
mudra
Love Always
mudra
mudra- Posts : 23285
Join date : 2010-04-09
Age : 69
Location : belgium
Love Always
mudra
mudra- Posts : 23285
Join date : 2010-04-09
Age : 69
Location : belgium
Us ... years ahead ... looking back at the traces of our fingers here and there ... 
Love You all
mudra
Love You all
mudra
mudra- Posts : 23285
Join date : 2010-04-09
Age : 69
Location : belgium
Love Always
mudra
Carol- Admin
- Posts : 32367
Join date : 2010-04-07
Location : Hawaii
_________________
What is life?
It is the flash of a firefly in the night, the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime. It is the little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset.
With deepest respect ~ Aloha & Mahalo, Carol
Aquaries1111- Posts : 1394
Join date : 2012-06-02
Age : 55
Location : In the Suns
mudra wrote:
Love Always
mudra
You need to ask the one who asked the question.
Sanicle- Posts : 2228
Join date : 2011-02-28
Location : Melbourne, Australia
Sound on please 
Brook- Posts : 3469
Join date : 2010-08-21
Age : 71
devakas- Posts : 2038
Join date : 2010-04-10
Brook wrote:
this is not funny, torture and mutilation still going on.
Brook- Posts : 3469
Join date : 2010-08-21
Age : 71
Oh, Mr. Holier then thou. You're preaching to the choir devakas. Now you want to get Sirius???
It is funny when you realize EVERY day we (not aliens) make a ritual of Cattle Mutilation!
AND pull off stunts like this to make a better cut of beef!
The pun/humor (in case you didn't get it) is the mirror and humanization between aliens and humans.
It is funny when you realize EVERY day we (not aliens) make a ritual of Cattle Mutilation!
AND pull off stunts like this to make a better cut of beef!
The pun/humor (in case you didn't get it) is the mirror and humanization between aliens and humans.
Sanicle- Posts : 2228
Join date : 2011-02-28
Location : Melbourne, Australia
Only in Australia 
Brook- Posts : 3469
Join date : 2010-08-21
Age : 71
Big Cat Rescue Christmas
Brook- Posts : 3469
Join date : 2010-08-21
Age : 71
Carol- Admin
- Posts : 32367
Join date : 2010-04-07
Location : Hawaii
The Golden Urinal...
Several days after President Obama was re-elected president, he went over to see
Bill and Hillary Clinton for dinner at their spacious home. After drinking several
glasses of iced tea, he asked his host if he could use his personal bathroom.
When he entered Bill Clinton 's private toilet, he was astonished to see that
Clinton had a gold urinal! Wow!
The next day, Obama told his wife, Michelle, about the urinal in Clinton 's
private lavatory. "Just think," he said, "maybe I should get a gold urinal too.
But on the other hand I think that it may be just a bit too self-indulgent...
even for a guy like me!"
Later in the week, when Michelle had lunch with Hillary, she told
Hillary how impressed her husband had been at his discovering that
Bill had a gold urinal in his private bathroom.
Later that day, when Bill got home, Hillary smiled and said to Bill:
"I found out who pissed in your saxophone." _____________
Several days after President Obama was re-elected president, he went over to see
Bill and Hillary Clinton for dinner at their spacious home. After drinking several
glasses of iced tea, he asked his host if he could use his personal bathroom.
When he entered Bill Clinton 's private toilet, he was astonished to see that
Clinton had a gold urinal! Wow!
The next day, Obama told his wife, Michelle, about the urinal in Clinton 's
private lavatory. "Just think," he said, "maybe I should get a gold urinal too.
But on the other hand I think that it may be just a bit too self-indulgent...
even for a guy like me!"
Later in the week, when Michelle had lunch with Hillary, she told
Hillary how impressed her husband had been at his discovering that
Bill had a gold urinal in his private bathroom.
Later that day, when Bill got home, Hillary smiled and said to Bill:
"I found out who pissed in your saxophone." _____________
_________________
What is life?
It is the flash of a firefly in the night, the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime. It is the little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset.
With deepest respect ~ Aloha & Mahalo, Carol
mudra- Posts : 23285
Join date : 2010-04-09
Age : 69
Location : belgium
Love Always
mudra
mudra- Posts : 23285
Join date : 2010-04-09
Age : 69
Location : belgium
Love Always
mudra
malletzky- Posts : 562
Join date : 2010-04-09
Age : 56
Location : on the other side of the mirror
It maybe posted already, by I couldn't find it, here's a good one:
HELL EXPLAINED BY A CHEMISTRY STUDENT
The following is an actual question given on a Washington State University chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well:
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."
HELL EXPLAINED BY A CHEMISTRY STUDENT
The following is an actual question given on a Washington State University chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well:
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."
Micjer- Posts : 1684
Join date : 2010-04-29
Location : Canada
That is worth sharing.LMAO
And along the theme of Hell freezing over....the latest cold snap made Hell (Michigan) freeze over. Watch video.
http://www.weather.com/video/hell-michigan-has-frozen-over-43087
And along the theme of Hell freezing over....the latest cold snap made Hell (Michigan) freeze over. Watch video.
http://www.weather.com/video/hell-michigan-has-frozen-over-43087
Carol- Admin
- Posts : 32367
Join date : 2010-04-07
Location : Hawaii
A young blonde girl in her late teens, wanting to earn some extra money for
the summer, decided to hire herself out as a "handy woman" and started
canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood.
She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had
any odd jobs for her to do.
"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint the porch" he said. "How much
will you charge me?"
Delighted, the girl quickly responded, "How about $50?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and brushes and everything she
would need were in the garage.
The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does she
realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?"
"That's a bit cynical, isn't it?" he responded.
The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those
dumb blonde jokes."
A few hours later the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already??" the startled husband asked.
"Yes," the blonde replied, "and I even had paint left over so I gave it two
coats."
Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed it to her
along with a $10 tip.
"Thank you," the blonde said, "And, by the way, it's not a Porch, it's a
Lexus."
the summer, decided to hire herself out as a "handy woman" and started
canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood.
She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had
any odd jobs for her to do.
"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint the porch" he said. "How much
will you charge me?"
Delighted, the girl quickly responded, "How about $50?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and brushes and everything she
would need were in the garage.
The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does she
realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?"
"That's a bit cynical, isn't it?" he responded.
The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those
dumb blonde jokes."
A few hours later the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already??" the startled husband asked.
"Yes," the blonde replied, "and I even had paint left over so I gave it two
coats."
Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed it to her
along with a $10 tip.
"Thank you," the blonde said, "And, by the way, it's not a Porch, it's a
Lexus."
_________________
What is life?
It is the flash of a firefly in the night, the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime. It is the little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset.
With deepest respect ~ Aloha & Mahalo, Carol
Carol- Admin
- Posts : 32367
Join date : 2010-04-07
Location : Hawaii
IDIOT SIGHTING No.1
My daughter and I went to the McDonald's check-out to pay our bill and
I gave the clerk a £5 note.
Our total bill was £4.20, so I also handed her a 20 pence piece.
She said, 'You gave me too much money.'
I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me £1 back.'
She sighed and went to get the Manager who asked me to repeat my request.
I did so, and he handed me back the 20 pence and said 'We're sorry but
we do not do that kind of thing.'
The clerk then proceeded to give me back 80 pence in change.
Do not confuse the clerks at MacDonald's in St Albans, Hertfordshire.!!
IDIOT SIGHTING No.2
We had to have the garage door repaired The GARADOR repairman told us
that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough
motor on the opener.
I thought for a moment, and said that we had the largest one GARADOR
made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.
He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.'
I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4 and he said, 'NOOO, it's not.
Four is larger than two..'
We haven't used Garador repair since. Happened in Moor Park, near Watford .
IDIOT SIGHTING No.3
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbour call the
Highways Department to request the removal of the 'DEER CROSSING' sign
from our road.
The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars on this stretch of
road! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing, any-more.'
Story from Potters Bar, Hertfordshire.
IDIOT SIGHTING No. 4
My daughter went to a local Kentucky Fried Chicken and ordered a Taco.
She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'
He said he was sorry, but they only had Iceberg Lettuce.
From South Oxhey , Hertfordshire.
IDIOT SIGHTING No. 5
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked,
'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?'
To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?'
He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'
Happened at Luton Airport
IDIOT SIGHTING No. 6
The traffic light on the corner buzzes when the lights turn red and it
is safe to cross the road.
I was crossing with an intellectually challenged friend of mine
She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.
I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!'
She is a Local County Council employee in St Alban, Hertfordshire.
(And she's NOT blonde)
IDIOT SIGHTING No.7
When my husband and I arrived at our local Ford dealer to pick up our car,
we were told the keys had been locked in it.
We went to the Service Department and found a mechanic working
feverishly to unlock the Driver's door.
As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the
door-handle and discovered that it was unlocked.
"Hey," I announced to the Fitter/Mechanic, "its open!"
His reply: "I know. I already did that side."
This was at the Ford dealership in St Albans, Hertfordshire.
STAY ALERT! They walk among us - AND THEY BREED!
My daughter and I went to the McDonald's check-out to pay our bill and
I gave the clerk a £5 note.
Our total bill was £4.20, so I also handed her a 20 pence piece.
She said, 'You gave me too much money.'
I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me £1 back.'
She sighed and went to get the Manager who asked me to repeat my request.
I did so, and he handed me back the 20 pence and said 'We're sorry but
we do not do that kind of thing.'
The clerk then proceeded to give me back 80 pence in change.
Do not confuse the clerks at MacDonald's in St Albans, Hertfordshire.!!
IDIOT SIGHTING No.2
We had to have the garage door repaired The GARADOR repairman told us
that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough
motor on the opener.
I thought for a moment, and said that we had the largest one GARADOR
made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.
He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.'
I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4 and he said, 'NOOO, it's not.
Four is larger than two..'
We haven't used Garador repair since. Happened in Moor Park, near Watford .
IDIOT SIGHTING No.3
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbour call the
Highways Department to request the removal of the 'DEER CROSSING' sign
from our road.
The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars on this stretch of
road! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing, any-more.'
Story from Potters Bar, Hertfordshire.
IDIOT SIGHTING No. 4
My daughter went to a local Kentucky Fried Chicken and ordered a Taco.
She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'
He said he was sorry, but they only had Iceberg Lettuce.
From South Oxhey , Hertfordshire.
IDIOT SIGHTING No. 5
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked,
'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?'
To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?'
He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'
Happened at Luton Airport
IDIOT SIGHTING No. 6
The traffic light on the corner buzzes when the lights turn red and it
is safe to cross the road.
I was crossing with an intellectually challenged friend of mine
She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.
I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!'
She is a Local County Council employee in St Alban, Hertfordshire.
(And she's NOT blonde)
IDIOT SIGHTING No.7
When my husband and I arrived at our local Ford dealer to pick up our car,
we were told the keys had been locked in it.
We went to the Service Department and found a mechanic working
feverishly to unlock the Driver's door.
As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the
door-handle and discovered that it was unlocked.
"Hey," I announced to the Fitter/Mechanic, "its open!"
His reply: "I know. I already did that side."
This was at the Ford dealership in St Albans, Hertfordshire.
STAY ALERT! They walk among us - AND THEY BREED!
_________________
What is life?
It is the flash of a firefly in the night, the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime. It is the little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset.
With deepest respect ~ Aloha & Mahalo, Carol
mudra- Posts : 23285
Join date : 2010-04-09
Age : 69
Location : belgium
Love Always
mudra
Carol- Admin
- Posts : 32367
Join date : 2010-04-07
Location : Hawaii
I was visiting my niece last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.
"This is the 21st century," she said. “I don't waste money on newspapers. Here, use my iPad."
I can tell you this. That fly never knew what hit him.
"This is the 21st century," she said. “I don't waste money on newspapers. Here, use my iPad."
I can tell you this. That fly never knew what hit him.
_________________
What is life?
It is the flash of a firefly in the night, the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime. It is the little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset.
With deepest respect ~ Aloha & Mahalo, Carol